Yesterday morning, I woke up physically exhausted from the thirteen hour day I put in on Sunday. But there was something extra. There was a spiritual pressure, and a beyond physical exhaustion that felt heavy as I tried to orchestrate my day. I tried to give myself a pep talk: "This is it young lady, the final five weeks of semester. You have your third album to release, your fourth to record, your thesis to finish and defend, your stats grade to pull up to an A, your house to give away/sell/pack, your family and friends to say see ya later to...a drive up the coast, a lot to be rendered in Rochester, the Peace Corps, Pacifica, WOW!" None of that seemed to help.
I have been living alone for four years this December. I am proud of the distance my soul has travelled in that time. There are those of you I could not have done it without. I am utterly grateful for my friends. I have adjusted rather well to living by myself. I rather like it. But there are definitely times I could use an extra pair of hands for laundry, cleaning, recycling, grocery shopping, washing the truck, or any of the other sundry things that must be done to keep a household running smoothly. I miss love. I miss kisses in the morning. I miss kisses before bed. I miss making and sharing meals. I miss sharing the story of our days. I miss love.
My mother believes that my destiny requires this of me. She believes that while there are plenty suitors who would take good care of me and make a beautiful daughter with me, that my destiny is better served with me as an Army of One. There are some moments when that is nothing more than a burden. The thought alone is a weight that bogs me down. Most of the time, I can see why she might be right. Most of the time, I align myself to the realization that I know there is a calling on my life and no matter what I am willing to serve my purpose.
Yesterday however, all I wanted to do was be held on a strong chest, look into eyes that loved me, and maybe cry a little.
I called one of my dear friends. I asked if he had a little time for me. We met up after class and the bear hug I received was certainly of great aid to my soft soul. I thanked him. I told him I just wanted to reflect in his strength to remind myself how strong we truly are. I felt up against the wall, and after the hug, I was still drained but I knew what I had to do. I had to wake up this morning ready to conquer the world. So I did.
At work last night, there was a woman who sat in my section outside. She had a dragonfly charm around her neck. "I have a dragonfly tattoo on my back," I told her. They are very sacred to me. She smiled and told me her husband had gotten the necklace for her and she loved it. The next table that was seated was inside, and I greeted the couple surprised to see the lady had a dragonfly tattoo on her arm. I told my friend Diana there was a message to be had and I intended to figure it out.
I asked each woman, one outside/one inside remember, what the dragonfly meant to her. They each said one word. Strength. Honestly, I have never connected the dragonfly to the word strength. Yet, each of these women had. Earlier that day, I had told my friend I needed to reflect in his strength to remember mine. It seemed the Divine was telling me that all the strength I needed was at my disposal. I felt loved.
That was my Monday, and it was good.
I Love my Life!!!!!
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