Culminating Waves~~~*~~~

Due to a misunderstanding of my new Fall Schedule, I am short two work shifts. Due to a hang-up in my Financial Aid, I still have no money for books or supplies. Money is tight right now, but thankfully my Mother taught me how to make a pocket full of change feel like the Bahamas! My AC was a pound shy on Freon and let me tell you in the middle of August in Florida, that is quite the complication! My brakes were slipping and sometimes the little things have a way of choking up on you so you feel like you cannot breathe.

The best part is though it is also the little things that bless us so richly this life feels like magic sometimes. A young man that I work with blessed me by fixing my brakes and my AC for nothing more than the parts. He said as he left this morning, "You have blessed so many people. I am honored to bless you in return."

The show last night was incredible! There was even a young woman from Rochester in the audience. I did a shout out to my city and she came up to speak to me once I had left the stage. Speaking of the show, I would like to say Thanks to my sister, Cali, and her husband, Chris. Due to my finances being a little strapped right now, I was not able to get my toes done or buy a new dress like I would prefer before a show. So, I was leafing through my closet and found this brilliant dress Cali and Chris had given me that I had never worn because the strap was ripped. I sewed the strap, wore the dress, painted my own toes (usually a known disaster just ask Cassi) and did my hair. All in all, I think I looked pretty great.

The house was full and the love was overflowing. Ybor City Jazz House never had it so good. I am grateful to all of you who came out to show support. Truly blessed by all the love sent to me by those who couldn't make it, and especially all my air support from Rochester, New York! Dichotomy, Dennis Ammadaeus, and Talaam Acey all in the house! What a night. There were profound echoes throughout the poets work: like Dennis and I both mentioning Attica specifically and how we must reform the prison system NOW!

Then, I randomly see a painting that one of my soulmates has hanging in his house hanging on the wall of the club. I am wondering now which is the print and which the original. I will get to the bottom of that.

I also got to see one of my best gals who is moving away. We stayed up till five talking, laughing, holding on to one another. We had tried several times to see each other. She wasn't supposed to be able to make it to the show last night. What a blessing she did.

I also made an intriguing new friend. Who meets Tuesday on a Tuesday afternoon while scheduled to perform (among others) her power piece that contains the line, "on a random Tuesday afternoon"? That is a WHOLE lot of Tuesdays.

I am blessed. I am grateful. So many stories to tell. I love my life.

However, I must get to class.

Namaste,

Lady RAin.

Mental Posture

As I have been focusing on my stress levels and my worry energy in an attempt to remain centered and focused in the moment no matter what lemony snickett series of chaos is currently going on around me, I find that the old adage "Be careful what you wish for"...to be so very relevant! We pray for what we want and meditate upon what we believe we need, yet what we often refuse to see is that sometimes the most annoying or painful situation is exactly what will lead to that next level of awareness in our lives. I am NOT a patient person. Allow me to elaborate, I am not patient with elements that exist only because someone was not diligent enough to keep them from occurring. I am not patient with trivial yet annoying things. I am very patient with some of the most important areas that require patience. As I said in my last post "I have been raped. I have been beaten. I have been homeless. I've got this." However, let the wind blind me with my hair several times after removing it from my face, and I will throw a terrible two tantrum inside my head! (working on this)...

 I abhor laziness and we all know that only a handful of us truly work hard in this life. Some are just not driven with any sense of purpose. Those of us who are must work even harder to make things flow smoothly. This alone adds to our stress levels. We care. We are passionate. We believe that with due diligence what should occur will. "You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one." John Lennon of course believed that this world could change. So did Martin Luther King, JR. So did Mahatma Gandhi. So did Mother Teresa. You get my point. We can make a difference in this world. What I have been really working on lately is the realization that when I am stressed the only thing I am good at drawing to me is more negative elements. We are walking electrical beings filled with levels of emotion and energies that even the most profound among us are still not completely aware of. So, here I stand in the center of my temple, offering myself up as a vessel. Please use me as you need in these times of darkness. To my voice may they hearken because my people are straight sobbin' and I would love to see them free. We have the power to change the world around us, but first it begins with changing the currents that flow within us. This is where I would like to say two words that I hope we can all focus on and build upon, together. Mental Posture.

How many of us remember our mother reminding us to "sit up straight", "stand up straight" or "don't slouch"?Many of us have participated in sports, martial arts or practiced yoga. Our spine is made up of vertebrae that when out of alignment can cause pressure on muscles or even pinch a nerve. How do you feel when your body is aching and you are attempting to work hard? How does your physical state affect your day? How does your posture affect you physical state?

Our brain is a complex bundle of nerves and axons, passages and fluid, dark and light matter. We are beautifully complex beings. I was raised in a home where I was not allowed to say "can't". I would never be able (pun noticed) to repay my parents for instilling this intrinsic value in me. And since I just said "can't" in a fancy way right after say I was not allowed to say can't, allow me to rephrase. I will repay my parents for instilling this intrinsic value in me by living my life to the fullest and becoming the exponential potential of my highest self.

So this is my current meditation, my new daily mantra. Mental Posture. Every time I begin going down a negative pathway, I will stop, breathe and re-route. I am a firm believer that everything happens with purpose in this Grand Algorithm we call Life. "All things work together for the good of those that love God." Stay centered in Divine Light, straighten your mental spine, breathe in deep the air that offers us life and live your life to the fullest.

Love. Light. Laughter and "the peace that surpasses all understanding".

Reflections

I guess sometimes in life we sit and stare at the television screen afraid to get up and do what we know we are supposed to do with our lives. Perhaps, some of us are afraid to fail while others are afraid to succeed. We spend hours wasted in worry energy. Sometimes the things we worry about come to pass while others never come to fruition. The truth is we have more control over our lives than we allow. As young kids we had dreams. We wanted to be something special when we grew up. There are a lot of distracting forces out there. Some are composed of our own vices, our lust. Some are systemic from a society that will always be less than perfect. The fact remains that we all make an impact on our world. Hours can be spent second guessing decisions made or life can be lived and breathed to the fullest. The truth is that it is most likely that I did something wrong that caused my trigger to die. It is also possible it had nothing to do with me. More mistakes will be made. More losses will occur. I will gain weight, and I will lose weight. I will cry and I will laugh. What matters is finding balance. I was told by a friend today that he was most impressed with the fact that I had been through so much but had never allowed myself to be victimized. I often tell people in times of trouble "I have been homeless. I have been beaten. I have been raped. I've got this." I guess what we all know is that we are not always strong. My new clown fish started antagonizing my puffer tonight after the new fish acclimated to the tank. I have stayed up extra late worried that the puffer was going to be attacked. I would hate to lose her. The point I am trying to finally get across to myself is that I can waste time worrying about things that may or may not happen and live an ordinary life OR I can let the puzzle pieces land where they may and live an extra-ordinary one! I am a highly responsible woman. I have a lot of really good friends. I have produced two albums. My first CD is all over the world. I have published a book. I am working on my second degree. I am an honor student. I say none of this to brag or pet my ego. The funniest part is that as much as I have overcome; as much as I have accomplished, I am always afraid of the next step. I guess that is a natural element in evolution, I just find it amusing. What I do find utterly amazing is the amount of incredible people I have in my life. I am surrounded by love, laughter, and life. I am surrounded by people that truly love me, always have my back when I am struggling with that next step, who let me know every day how much I mean to them. So, I am making a proposal for this next year of my life. Terror, sorrow, pain and loss are a part of life. However, so are love, laughter, light, hope, peace, charity, honor, integrity, and joy. My cup overflows. There is no half full here. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. I am honored by this enchanted life I lead. Sure, there will always be the ones who just don't get me. There will always be the ones who shoot darts of fear my way. There will always be haters. It has been an intense few months. While I did accomplish a lot this Summer, I also spent a lot of hours lounging around. Perhaps, I needed it. I do believe that all things happen with purpose in this grand algorithm we call life. However, I also know that I must push myself up to the next step I have been so afraid of taking. I have been so busy saying that I was waiting for the next step to appear that I forgot I was an artist. This time I have to paint the door, watch it dry and open it myself. I am a sensitive soul. I care what people think because I care about the people thinking. The truth is that I cannot expect the whole world to understand me. I would like to thank my Mother for always being there. Not only did she see the socially awkward child I was, she saw the woman I would become. My Mother listened to everything that came out of my extremely complicated brain. She was and is my sounding wall. This walk I have chosen may be incredibly lonely at times, but I will never be alone. I have too many amazing people in my life. I am honored by my Father and the integrity and work ethic he gave me. I am strong. I am vibrant. I am driven. I am passionate. I have only just begun. To every person I love, your name is written on the walls of my heart. My soul is luminous with all the love I feel from those that know me best. Thank you all for making this a year I will never forget. School begins on Monday and although I expected my last day of Summer Break to be quite different, this day has provided me everything I need to survive this next chapter. I have faith in me. I know that even my mistakes will lead me where I am supposed to go. I will never forget how much the journey matters. I am grateful for every step I have taken so far and excited to look back upon the rest. I know this semester will provide many challenges and many victories, new faces and new stories for me to love. I will give all of myself as I grow daily. I will admit when I am wrong. I will build a better tomorrow. I will follow the Sun where it guides me. I will reflect in the face of the moon each night. I will make my life count.

Celebrating ME!

As most of you know I was raped last year. Today is the anniversary of that horrendous event. It is also the anniversary of my parents (now divorced) wedding day. It is also my last official day of Summer Break. School starts Monday. I work tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday. I was supposed to spend the day with someone I love very much. He cancelled on me and I can't pretend: it hurt! I called my Mom, something I do very often when I am hurting. Then, I decided to take her advice and realize how beautiful my life is surrounded with all of these incredible people. Each of you fill a facet of my spiritual nature. I truly am the luckiest girl in the world. I have so many amazing people in my life and know that I have already made a remarkable difference in the world. So, plans changed quickly and I decided to celebrate ME! I shopped for just the right ingredients. I bought myself a clown fish with the money Dawn left me to do exactly that. I now have a tomato clown fish named Dawn! The truth is I find joy in all the beautiful things that surround me. I make strong steel beams out of the sorrow and am utterly grateful for this enchanted life. My show is coming up on Tuesday and I hope to see all of my Tampa people there. I know Rochester supports me eternally and I miss her daily. I bought sushi, red wine and all the ingredients to make a Spinach Greek Salad. I love all of you in truth and I hope you know this! This is my last official day of Summer Break. What better way to celebrate it than to celebrate ME!!!!!?