Saturday, December 31, 2011

Misfit

Hearts with the sickness are sifted and listed as gifted but misfits rarely feel like they are.
You're my key witness to the madness within us and all I can offer is my journey so far.
Here I am yearning and learning this process of free.
Seeing whatever is meant to be seen. Doing whatever it takes to be me.
And trying not to suffer from the criticism, subject myself to cynicism.
Listen to opinions of those who just don't understand.
A welcome alternative to life in a tourniquet, but this my predicament, to figure it out.
This free flowing mind of mind has me doing double time.
The fire brigade is on its way to shower me down.
The sound of their rifles drowning my words.
Noise of their shots only noise to be heard.
And maybe they can't see the tree for the bird but they are never gonna hold me down.
They'd like to make me choke on their syndicated poison.
Tie me up in knots just to keep me from voicing things that most just cannot see.
Gravity.
The weight of the moon pulls down this tune and later in June I'll put it to song.
But wrong is inevitable. What we learn is material.
I'd rather eat cereal than steak any day.
So take what you need from the pieces around you.
I'm glad that I found you before you read that magazine.
As for your problems, you'll solve them as soon as you learn how to palm them
And juggle them into the next thing that you need.
Freedom is individual. You can't attend your own funeral.
So, make sure those who do
Have something to say.

Awakening

So here I am after only four and half hours sleep, arisen. Awake. Positive mindset returned to me.

I feel like most of the big shifts I have made in consciousness have been preceded by a spell of almost giving up, darkness, or complete lack of spiritual understanding. I feel like you must truly understand all realms to understand any. At the same time, I am really looking forward to truly grokking the positive projection I believe so deeply in.

For those of you who do not know, I have recently relocated to Tampa, Florida. I was originally to have a job here waiting for me. That did not work out as planned. I also came upon some door to door salespeople in the Cafe I operated in Rochester who worked out of Tampa. I thought it pretty serendipitous and decided it was meant for me to give that line of work a try. I hated it. For so many tangible reasons, it was most definitely not for me.

So, here I am unemployed. I have been staying with my sister, her husband and beautiful family. I have been sleeping in pajamas. (anyone that know me knows I most definitely prefer to be naked at most times) I have dropped beneath my last one hundred in funds, and that was after help from my family. These are hard times. My family loves me but are not able to do much more.

My 2003 Ford Explorer (respectfully known as the Blue Beast) is over twelve hundred dollars in the rear. It is sixty four days past a full payment and I better hope they do NOT have a chip in it, and it takes them a while to realize I am no longer in the ROC.

I have bills that will be auto drafted out of a dwindling account in less than fourteen days. I have not income or solid prospect of a job yet. It is stressful to the system.

Anyone who know me at all, know that I am uber positive. Supportive of anyone going through a struggle. From customers to clients. Friend or family member. I will have something to say to focus on the light of the matter. But, sometimes, I falter. The last few days have been very hard on my Spirit.

Yesterday, I sat at a nearby park on a swing watching a woman's dog chase after squirrels he would most certainly never catch. He didn't seem to mind. It was all about the chase for him. I wonder. What will it take to bring that kind of desire back to me?

I mean, we all know we are in the midst of troubled times. We all know we are a part of a broken system. We all hope for progressive change. Some of us are even giving our all to help effect that very change. I don't believe in coincidences. I don't believe in accidents along our spiritual path. I do believe that there are several shades of what our life can be. I do believe that we affect our destinies greatly and can live to our fullest potential or spiritually "sell out" (or some shade in between).

I believe then, that all that is happening around my orbit right now is here to change my momentum.

My little sister, Cassi, really helped last night with an analogy. She said she didn't like to see me, a beautiful, strong, spiritual woman who could take a raw canvas and turn it into something amazing, down like I was. She was right. We control so much! I know this. I practice this.

I was talking to one of my friends and fellow lady poets on the phone the other night. We were talking about the truth that we are able to positively project what we need into existence. She was speaking from the angle of the Secret and how she had mastered the art of always having front row parking. I volleyed with a story. I have been known for saying a thing and then the thing happens. Freaks people who are not of that way out. ~Laughter~ While working at City Hall Cafe, my cook and good friend, Ken Knoblock and I were noticing that happening often around us, and so I "jokingly" said, "From now on, I am going to say, 'and a baby grand'". And I did. Two weeks later, a good friend of mine came and told me he had a Baldwin baby grand I could have if I could move it. No charge. All mine. A baby grand.

And still I falter. The war of our Divinity with our Human Nature is a paradox like no other. We understand, overstand, even grok these amazing spiritual concepts. And then, actuating them can still be ever so tricky.

One of my friends recently changed her Facebook profile pic to a magnet that reads, "Let go, or be dragged!" I want to spread my spiritual wings and fly. I understand the math. I see the point. Now, let's hope in 2012, I can live what I believe.

I am a work in progress, ready to undress the best of me!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Propegolution: the Poem.

I perpetuate forward motion.
Propagate revolution: healing contusions to the mental.
Elemental to my peace, I release this beast from within me.
Dark angel on my left nipple whittling up reasons why my treason
Would merely become an acceptable season.
Something different to do on a random Tuesday afternoon.
I am the Moon in all her fullness.
Reciprocity by definition. I have this confession.
I love you as I see you.
And I see you for all the light you are and none of the darkness you let consume you.
I don't assume truth to be anything other than a vibration I can feel.
Reel to reel I spit this video. Live my life like a high defintion show.
Oh say can you see how beautiful and free it is when you allow your soul to find peace?
Preemptive strike. I'm on my knees in the night.
Hanging on to every word I ever heard. I take to language like a bird in flight.
Ignite this flame with swiftness. I couldn't even tell you what the half is.
I have learned to empathically conclude the things I need. Set my spirit free.
I seek peace and pursue it. If I don't understand it best believe I'm gonna chew it.
Spit it out and reuse it like its the only thing I see.
Freedom ain't no black and white situation.
Here we facin spiritual castration.
When we gonna resurrect this one world nation?
The cosmos got us facin the dawning of a new age.
So, I turn the page and focus. Not on some plague of rising locust.
Or on some voodoo hocus pocus just society off track.
Take it back a minute. Let my D.J. stop and spin it.
I've got another thought I'm about to share. Best prepare.
Better be aware of what the aligning of the planets have to make us aware of.
We better remember to take care of our Mother while there's time.
Rewind it! Pause. And listen!
This is our chance to glisten. Raise our soul vibration.
It is our time to rise.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Focus

In my most recent blog, I spoke about someone hurting me and taking more than they should. They left my head clouded.

Question: who is responsible for my head being clouded?

Answer: me!

How many of us have gotten up in the morning and one negative element changed the entire series of events? Probably all of us, right? How many of us have taken one negative element and put it back into its rightful place and not allowed it to overwhelm our steps?

What I am trying to realize for myself at this stage of the game is how much we really are capable of projecting (positive or negative) into the space time continuum. Lol. (its the Trekkie in me)...

On a serious note, I am really endeavouring to positively project my life. It is said, "All Things Happen For a Reason". It is said, "It is What It IS!" Well, what if it wasn't? What if we had more control than we realized? Perhaps, if we begin speaking in ultra positives, our days, our weeks, our lives will fall out differently in front of us. I believe we are capable of speaking things into existence.

Life assures us their will be pain. There will be trials. There will be deaths (eventually our own). There will be joy beyond measure. There will be epiphanies. There will be love. There will be tears.

What if this is why we are here? To learn how to navigate even through the darkest negative. What if we are actually able to turn the tides in our favor? What if the human brain, which even very smart beings only use a tenth of, are actually capable of the things we find in our dreams?

I believe we are at the brink of a New Dawn. I believe we are at the precipice of New Waves of Human Perception. Many of us are awakening to new concepts. New ideas.

Let us remember from whence we came and wonder where we are headed. Let us embark on this new journey together. Let us raise our heads to the light of the Sun and stand taller than we ever have before. Let us believe in ourselves. May we learn to flow in the ways of Wu Wei. Accepting all that comes along our path and truly making the best of it.

Let us claim our destinies. May we be the best of us. May we shine forth at this critical stage of history and make our mark!

Cheers to 2012. A year we will certainly remember. Cheers to all those ready to rises above our previous limitations and make the most of all we are capable of becoming.

Happy New Year.

Reciprocity

Without giving away in depth details, I am sitting here head clouded due to someone I love deeply and have taken very good care of throwing my love in my face time and time again.

What happened to owning up to our faults? What happened to being honest with ourselves and those closest to us? Honesty is the best policy? Not in today's society.

I am wounded. It is hard when you are a giver. A healer. A born nurturer. Anyone who knows me would say that I have a very big heart and I do all I can for my fellow travellers.

I love to take care of people. I enjoy finding the details of someone and honoring their needs. I really find peace and healing within myself to be able to nurture to people around me. Of course, the older I get the more I realize that I have often given more than I should to a person who was in essence merely using me. Now, I do not feel this is the case in the story I am alluding to. But, what I am wondering is where does the percentage of reciprocity need to rest in order for it to be a healthy and balanced relationship?

For so many years, I have just accepted the fact that I was going to give more in any given relationship because that is in my nature. I found joy in the giving. Joy in the healing. Joy in the nurturing of someone elses spirit and physical well being.

What I have come to realize is there are not too many of us left out here. I am not saying laud and praise Rain...I am merely saying that in this category I exceed most and am tired of being taken advantage of. I have plenty faults in other areas which I am sure we will cover at some point.

So here I begin to deeply ruminate on the concept of reciprocity. In my thirty third year, I have been single for the first time since I was well, eight. I am realizing that while all of the relationships I have ever forged were beneficial to me in some fashion, I have never taken the same energy that I pour into a lover or friend and poured it into myself.

Now, I don't want any misconceptions, I take care of myself. But to what extent? There is not much I would not do (within an ethical realm) for those I love. I believe in giving all you can to help a fellow traveller along their way. I am just beginning to realize that if I continue to expend energy to this extent, I will never fulfill my own needs. This is not acceptable.

Time to make major changes.

So Far

We are a generation of voice mail conversations.
Registered exchanges.
Predetermined arrangements.
We are alarm clock scheduled coffee
Over breakfast that we eat
Convincing ourselves it is healthy
Even though we know that it is not!

We are at war with a system that is broken.
Even the most outspoken have only travelled so far.

We are a heart that is pumping pure blood.
Yes.
We are a heart that is seeking true love.
Yes.
But what I've got to know,
Is what are we dying of?

So here I stand in the center of my temple.
Offer myself up as a vessel.
Please use me as you need
In these times of darkness.
To my voice may they hearken.
Cuz my people are straight sobbin'
And I would love to set them free.

Free from the prison that
We have created.
Free from the chains
That keep us enslaved and frustrated.
Free from the lines
Society has made and
Fuck my patience
It is our time to rise!

We are on the brink of spiritual starvation.
What we need is aggregation
Of our cultural soil.

We have toiled long.
We must not tarry
And no matter how scary
The next months become
We must stand up
Taller than ever before.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Seven Pounds

I just finished watching Seven Pounds, an amazing movie starring Will Smith. If you haven't seen it this may ruin it so perhaps you should read this after watching the movie.

Seven Pounds refers most likely to "The Merchant of Venice", a play by Shakespeare. The phrase seven pounds of flesh was used when someone was paying penance for stealing by having his hand cut off. Thus, his seven pounds of flesh.

I cannot really put into words how deeply this movie just touched my soul. As those of you who truly know me already understand, I feel that my life destiny is being called to some great action. Leadership perhaps in a great spiritual context. But, I really do not know details. I don't see steps spelled out in front of me. I know that I will do all that is in my power to serve my calling. To answer the will of the Divine. We have entered tumultuous times. We are wading through some waters that are deep and uncharted. Where will we go next?

Will this be the Utopian dream that the Jehovah's Witnesses believe quoting from the Bible, "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth"? Matthew 5:5. Will the meek inherit the Earth once the darkness has passed? Shall this be Heaven on Earth?

Will this be the Christians view of Armageddon? Will there be a cataclysmic event? Will there be enough of us that come to the realization that positive projection by our fiery human spirit can truly effect change? What is the pattern that we will project? Who will stand together and rise?

I have certainly committed my sins. Made bad choices. Realized what should have taken place in hindsight. I am an imperfect being with human flesh. Yet, there remains this goddess energy within me. I shall not be moved. I shall not falter and not rise up again!

I want to offer my seven pounds of flesh. Make it fourteen! Both my hands for the things I have done. I would willingly lay down my life to save another. I will lay my soul on the table here before you so that you might see the light that shines from within.

We all have something sacred to offer. We all have something that is meant. That holds purpose only our soul can know. I believe that all happens for a reason. In this movie, Will Smith's character was careless and texting while driving. Because of his actions, seven innocent people died. One of the seven being his lovely fiancee. After his brother needs a lung, he is spurred with the idea that he can give up the rest of his body to those that truly deserve it.

We can take one moment of our life at a time and tear it into pieces. But what does that moment truly mean in the grand scheme of things? Does it really matter whose dogma is correct?

I certainly do NOT have all the answers. Perhaps, I have less than half of the answers. But there is something in my spirit that is unique.

Khemetic Science teaches that the human soul has two distinct sectors. Ka and Ba. One is the universal soul. The all. The one. The other is a part of you that travels with you from lifetime to lifetime. Distinctly YOU! Now, I know a lot of you do not believe in reincarnation. But, will you please still entertain that idea for a moment in time.

We are all important. We all have our own unique view. Our own perception. We can all read the same manuscripts. Attend the same school of thought and argue on dogma all day long. What does it mean to you? Are you truly living to your full potential? Or are you living in the black and white proscribed to you by whatever view you have proscribed to?

I am a work in progress. Dressed in ever changing fabric. I am an evolving spiritual being. I have gifts. I have vices. I have strengths. I have flaws. I am beautiful in the skin I am sitting in RIGHT now! I am a vessel. Willing to be used to my fullest potential. I will give all I can at every moment of every day for every lifetime that I am blessed with. I am grateful for all I have been offered. For All the beauty I see in the world around me every day. I am grateful for the gift I have when I sit in front of a baby grand.

Thank all of you who have added to the woman I have become. May we all join together and forge a beautiful new mantra. One that allows all peoples of all colors of all sectors of the globe of all belief systems to rise in perfect harmony.

"I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony...."
(An original jingle in the groundbreaking 1971 "Hilltop" television commercial for Coca-Cola. The song, produced by Billy Davis and performed by The New Seekers, portrayed a positive message of hope and love sung by a multicultural collection of teenagers on the top of a hill.)

Together: we can!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Work in Progress.

Here I am sitting at a Starbucks close to my sister Cassi's house. As a person who respects all people who honor their belief systems and salvage my own island space to practice mine, I celebrated my first Christmas with my family in perhaps a decade. In the aftershock, my sister- nursing a migraine- got her very large family ready for Family Photos the morning after. I had risen to stress, both financial and emotional, and decided to take my laptop for a walk to the closest coffee spot.

Here I sit. Resonating. Ruminating. Waiting for the fog over my head to clear. I am nearer to the precipice than I have ever been. It is finally sinking in that I truly control my destiny. Like any other precept we conceptually grasp but find it hard to actuate. At times, these spiritual principles are easier to honor. We feel we flow fluidly with them. We understand them. But do we truly Grok them?

Grok is a word coined in Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein. It means to understand so deeply it become a part of your essence. From that angle, I feel as a human being reverberating with Divine Light, I sometimes understand, even overstand, but do not Grok a concept fluidly.

So, here I am. Open vessel. Listening. Hungry to learn. Longing to be free. Passionate as ever. Wading through some very dark waters. Remembering who I am, and why I came to exist in this space at this time. Tuning my melody with a spiritual tuning fork. Harmonizing with nature in a way I have not yet been able to attain. I remain ready. Walking on this narrow road. The road less travelled. Hard and incredibly beautiful.

A work in progress.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Dance like no one is Watching!

One of my dearest friends has recently returned to school to attain a degree in Dance Therapy. She is a very calm soul. She exudes grace and finds it hard to cry in public. I always am amazed by her collected presence. Since she announced to me several months ago that she would be returning to school to further her education, I have found myself dancing patterns through routine or even stressful times of my day. Now, those of you that know me well know I am not a natural or gifted dancer. However, I am a natural and gifted musician and have always longed for that rhythm to find its way to my limbs as I expressed myself though dance. The old phrase, "Dance like no one is watching" means a lot to me. I long for that kind of freedom. To watch genuine souls praise dance or really cut loose at a concert, you see a fervor, a heat that only pure passion can shine forth. So now I have begun to take it one step further. I have recently relocated to Tampa, Florida to further my education. Music Therapy. It is a vein of psychology and everything now has begun to wear shades of my degree yet to come. I am seeing the world in a new way! My young niece, Joey, has added to this wealth of view. She is already choreographing dance moves at the tender age of eight. She is actually quite good. Had I the money, I would immediately pay for her to have formal training. However, I realize gifted souls often need no training. We rise when it is our time to rise simply because we can do nothing else and be satisfied. Watching her makes me realize that I too can dance. Over the years, I have had moments of dancing bliss. Where I felt good. Free. Complete through the Spirit of my Dance. Recently, a good friend of mine and I were out and began dancing to some Turkish music. We owned the dance floor. Now, she is an accomplished dancer and fluid in many forms. We danced to a couple very long songs. At the end, many complimented us on our dance and asked if we were Turkish because we had danced to their music so well. I was amazed. I am NOT a good dancer, I replied somewhat amused and bewildered. What had made that moment different. ME! You see, my anxiety was gone. As I had entered this space, I had attempted to sit on a chair that was further back then I realized. Yup, you guessed, I landed on the floor. So, there was nothing left to worry about being embarrassed. The worst had happened. Everyone had laughed. And the music continued on. I love music. I love to dance. At thirty three I realize, that is what matters. My joy! I have become an island unto myself. I love to dance!!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Momentum

If several different people witnessed an event, there would inevitably be several different accounts of what happened. How is it then we do not see the truth as a prismatic vibration of light with many layers? Many colors? Many different tones of sound? We are a beautiful rainbow people who have unfortunately created an active Tower of Babel. Much slaughter has been perpetuated in the name of religion. Have you ever met someone who truly believed what they proclaimed? They carried themselves with a deep peace as soft light emanated from their aura sparking curiosity regarding the nature of their being. What if truth actively sought by all was earnestly and openly considered by all- together? Granted, most of us engage our beliefs passionately. I just hope we will all find the strength to allow eachother to hold sacred our own spiritual persuasions without infringing on the spiritual rights of our fellow travellers. The time is here for Spiritual Evolution of human-kind.

Essential

What if we all agreed that GOD existed as an essence rather than some readily defined being watching over US? Would our semantic need for organized religion disappear? Would peace ensue? From a Biblical standpoint, it is stated that there should be no word spoken or written for the Divine. The reasoning is that the essence running through all living things cannot be understood or defined at a human level. Uttering a word for it is actually stated to be blasphemous. It takes something we cannot ascertain & defines it into a neat little package. The natural world is breathtaking. We as a race learn more every day. Imagine what is next on our metaphysical journey.

Time to Rise

As a woman who claims no traditional religion, people often ask what my beliefs are. It is hard to define; I usually begin with a joke relating my foundational belief in "GOD" to the Force in Star Wars. I believe "GOD" is an energy, an essence, an eternal present life force. I believe that at the soul level, we are ONE. I believe that ONE is GOD. I believe in reincarnation. I believe many of us have attained a fluid connection to our inner Divinity. As we learn to live in the moment & pace our lives by the flow of Wu Wei, we see the harmony inherent in the flow of the Universe. Wu Wei is a Taoist concept of flowing like water through our natural lives, navigating softly around and passed obstacles. I believe as we advance through Karmic breath and reduce stress, we allow our inner divinity to radiate. It is from this peace-filled state that our destined path opens up before US, propelling us forward in true Wu Wei flow.

Evolution Stage Left

The time for spiritual revolution has certainly arrived. We can all look around and see the poignant markers of societal degredation. The utter lack of honesty & integrity is alarming. Hard work no longer guarantees employment or success. We all face money & time constrictions on a daily basis. Regardless of the genre of your faith, there is much pointing to the need for great change. There are many different standing predictions for cataclysmic events, transitional progressions, or even the end times. As someone who has studied many cultures and religions, cross-referencing & gleaning those things that speak clearly to my soul, I see possible avenues for greatness instead of catastrophic digression. As any great movement depends on individual involvement, it is time to ask ourselves, "What can I do to make a difference?" Personal well-being is imperative. Dedication to our own integrity is a huge part of the process. It is time that we all rise: together. We must all believe that one person certainly can make an inherent change. A revolutionary march on Washington may still be necessary. A comet may still hit our planet. Christ may return in the skies to claim his believers. But what if it is up to us to raise our vibration & affect World Change. What can you do? May we begin today.