Awakening

So here I am after only four and half hours sleep, arisen. Awake. Positive mindset returned to me.

I feel like most of the big shifts I have made in consciousness have been preceded by a spell of almost giving up, darkness, or complete lack of spiritual understanding. I feel like you must truly understand all realms to understand any. At the same time, I am really looking forward to truly grokking the positive projection I believe so deeply in.

For those of you who do not know, I have recently relocated to Tampa, Florida. I was originally to have a job here waiting for me. That did not work out as planned. I also came upon some door to door salespeople in the Cafe I operated in Rochester who worked out of Tampa. I thought it pretty serendipitous and decided it was meant for me to give that line of work a try. I hated it. For so many tangible reasons, it was most definitely not for me.

So, here I am unemployed. I have been staying with my sister, her husband and beautiful family. I have been sleeping in pajamas. (anyone that know me knows I most definitely prefer to be naked at most times) I have dropped beneath my last one hundred in funds, and that was after help from my family. These are hard times. My family loves me but are not able to do much more.

My 2003 Ford Explorer (respectfully known as the Blue Beast) is over twelve hundred dollars in the rear. It is sixty four days past a full payment and I better hope they do NOT have a chip in it, and it takes them a while to realize I am no longer in the ROC.

I have bills that will be auto drafted out of a dwindling account in less than fourteen days. I have not income or solid prospect of a job yet. It is stressful to the system.

Anyone who know me at all, know that I am uber positive. Supportive of anyone going through a struggle. From customers to clients. Friend or family member. I will have something to say to focus on the light of the matter. But, sometimes, I falter. The last few days have been very hard on my Spirit.

Yesterday, I sat at a nearby park on a swing watching a woman's dog chase after squirrels he would most certainly never catch. He didn't seem to mind. It was all about the chase for him. I wonder. What will it take to bring that kind of desire back to me?

I mean, we all know we are in the midst of troubled times. We all know we are a part of a broken system. We all hope for progressive change. Some of us are even giving our all to help effect that very change. I don't believe in coincidences. I don't believe in accidents along our spiritual path. I do believe that there are several shades of what our life can be. I do believe that we affect our destinies greatly and can live to our fullest potential or spiritually "sell out" (or some shade in between).

I believe then, that all that is happening around my orbit right now is here to change my momentum.

My little sister, Cassi, really helped last night with an analogy. She said she didn't like to see me, a beautiful, strong, spiritual woman who could take a raw canvas and turn it into something amazing, down like I was. She was right. We control so much! I know this. I practice this.

I was talking to one of my friends and fellow lady poets on the phone the other night. We were talking about the truth that we are able to positively project what we need into existence. She was speaking from the angle of the Secret and how she had mastered the art of always having front row parking. I volleyed with a story. I have been known for saying a thing and then the thing happens. Freaks people who are not of that way out. ~Laughter~ While working at City Hall Cafe, my cook and good friend, Ken Knoblock and I were noticing that happening often around us, and so I "jokingly" said, "From now on, I am going to say, 'and a baby grand'". And I did. Two weeks later, a good friend of mine came and told me he had a Baldwin baby grand I could have if I could move it. No charge. All mine. A baby grand.

And still I falter. The war of our Divinity with our Human Nature is a paradox like no other. We understand, overstand, even grok these amazing spiritual concepts. And then, actuating them can still be ever so tricky.

One of my friends recently changed her Facebook profile pic to a magnet that reads, "Let go, or be dragged!" I want to spread my spiritual wings and fly. I understand the math. I see the point. Now, let's hope in 2012, I can live what I believe.

I am a work in progress, ready to undress the best of me!