This will prove to be the most invasive thing I have ever written. For a woman who is used to walking around with her heart on her sleeve, I never thought those words could ring truth as they echoed from my throat. Yet, here they are, and here I am, and here we go!
I contracted trich seven months ago. Trichomoniasis is a sexually transmitted infection and is supposed to go away with use of a particular anti-biotic. After several treatments and absolute abstinence I was unable to be free from these tiny little parasites. I found through research that there was a resistant strand and there was a second antibiotic that was meant to rid this resistant strand. Unfortunately, it still did not go away.
I have practiced abstinence almost absolutely for all of these seven months, having been penetrated only twice. For such a sexual individual, it has been very troublesome. It has been very empowering as well.
As a woman who had been pregnant three times while on a birth control, I had an IUD inserted to prevent further pregnancy. It has been non troublesome for a few years now.
The Center for Disease Control has become involved as of almost two months ago. They have yet to come to my doctor and I with a solution. I did a lot of research. There is a high correlation between infection and the IUD especially BV and Trich. So, this morning I had my IUD removed.
Any empathic or intellectual being can imagine the layers of emotional confrontation on my table right now. I am reassessing everything. I am figuring out where this leaves me. I am a highly sexual being who has been pregnant three times while on birth control!
Furthermore, I am not sure if my theory will prove true. The IUD may not be the problem. I also have to face the fact that I have to take yet another round of antibiotics that had me doubling over garbage cans, and waiting for it to be out of my system. I am listening. Power speak of the Universe reaches me clearly. Daily stronger.
I hope this is the end. I hope that my situation has really helped another woman avoid this same space.
I love you all. Thank you for your support.
RA~in.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Tao Teh Ching
Raised a Baptist minister’s daughter,
I was spoon fed the philosophies of Christianity from the tender age of four. I
was a strong student of the Bible and read the entire Bible several times,
memorizing large portions. We were trained to tear apart the text, often
researching in depth the backgrounds of Hebrew and Latin in which the King
James Version of the Bible was translated from.
I was applauded for my level of skill
in memorization and interpretation and was even offered trophies along the way
to commemorate the accomplishments I had made. But around seventeen my soul
began to feel unrest. I realized there were many other avenues I had never
considered. I left home in search of my own beliefs. I experimented, studied,
and listened to the spiritual voice of many others in order to find what I
myself truly believed.
I was introduced to Taoism around the
age of nineteen. Having moved far from my childhood home, I felt free to find
the nature of my own soul’s beliefs. I was engaged fully by the concepts of
Taoism, and have had a copy of the Tao Teh Ching among my most sacred books for
over a decade now.
The word Tao literally means, “The Way”.
It is a path of harmonic peace within
nature. It requires of its patrons many ideals that would include Simplicity,
Gentleness, and Relativity (p. 226 Molloy).
The Tao must not be confused with
God. It is all things and all things are manifestations of it; however, it is
not one particular thing and it certainly has no stated personality that would
align with a type of god or God Himself.
One of the most fundamental
principles of Taoism is the concept of Wu Wei. Wu Wei is also my favorite
element and has aided in augmenting my spiritual nature to an inherent level of
existence. Its power is quite supernatural when fully grasped and fully
practiced. Wu Wei is the effortlessness required in a simplistic existence
desired by a Taoist. Wu Wei might be described as the flowing of water. One would
be benefited if one became as water. Water flows freely along its natural
course. It does not stop to argue with rocks in its path; it simply continues
to flow around obstacles. Water is not known to ponder the existence of the
fallen log on its course; it simply continues to flow in its natural progression.
Yoga, another important element of
Taoism, to us is an exercise or series of exercises and breathing techniques.
To a Taoist, yoga is so much more. It is a Sanskrit word that embraces even
dietary needs, meditation, along with breathing and exercises to become the
healthiest physical version of one-self. Part of yoga would include finding a
state of internal alchemy. “It aims at transforming and spiritualizing the life
force (qi, ch’i) of the practitioner (p.226 Molloy).”
Taoism like Confucianism was not seen
as an organized religion when it was developed. It is simply a “way” of
thought; a “way” of existence. The Tao is governed by such thought processes as
simplicity, gentleness, relativity, and the element of yin-yang.
Yin-yang is the fundamental balance
of duality. It is not seen as good and evil. One element is not superior over
the other. The two elements are believed to balance one another, harmonize
together, and therefore be a whole. Much of yin and yang would be represented
as dark and light, male and female, cold and hot, truth and illusion, etc. (p.
217 Molloy).
The concept of Taoism like
Confucianism may be implemented into many religious views. On a personal level,
I feel this is healthy to glean from multiple sources the thread of truth that
source represents and then add it to the wealth of knowledge our individual
soul seeks to attain.
“The five colours blind the eye. The
five tones deafen the ear. The five flavours cloy the palate. Racing and
hunting madden the mind. Rare goods tempt men to do wrong. Therefore, the Sage
takes care of the belly, not the eye. He prefers what is within to what is
without (Tao Teh Ching 12).”
A Taoist not only seeks harmony with
nature but also ardently seeks to see patterns apparent in Nature so that one
might learn. “Some of the patterns were quite easy to discern…others were more
subtle, like the motion of waves and the ripple of mountain ranges (p. 216
Molloy)…”
A Taoist operates inside a state of
center calm, while endeavoring at all times to exist within the moment. A
Taoist seeks to float like water down the river of life, honoring the patterns
found in the natural world that surrounds us. A Taoist seeks to not harm other
beings and honors the harmonic flow of the natural world.
“It lies in the nature of the Grand
Virtue to follow the Tao and the Tao alone. Now what is the Tao? It is
Something elusive and evasive. Evasive and elusive! And yet It contains within
Itself a Form. Elusive and evasive! And yet It contains within Itself a
Substance. Shadowy and dim! And yet It contains within Itself a Core of
Vitality. The Core of Vitality is very real, it contains within Itself an
unfailing Sincerity. Throughout the ages Its Name has been preserved in order
to recall the Beginning of all things. How do I know the ways of all things at
the Beginning? By what is within me (Tao Teh Ching 21)”.
Therefore, I proceed forward along my
own spiritual path, seeking knowledge, gaining wisdom and holding on only to
those things which resonate as truth within me. This is the way of the Tao.
On Confucianism
The Master said, “At fifteen, I had
my mind bent on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no doubts.
At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven. At sixty, my ear was an obedient organ
for the reception of truth. At seventy, I could follow what my heart desired,
without transgressing what was right (from the Confucian Analects).”
It would not be appropriate to see
Confucianism as a religion. It is a school of thought: a school in which the
Master himself (Confucius) did not see himself as a creator of original thought
but a vessel of the Universe. His words have echoed through time and influenced
many great minds.
Confucius wished to “create a
harmonious society (p. 236 Molloy).” He “believed that each human being is
capable of being good, refined, and even great (p. 236 Molloy)…” His “idea of a
perfect society was one in which every member of society would be cared for and
protected, and no one would feel abandoned (p. 237 Molloy).”
Born to a poor family, Confucius was
a shy child and was not remarkable in means of physical beauty or athletic
achievement. In a world where battle was at the forefront of a male universe,
Confucius had nothing significant to offer. However, he took to knowledge like
a fish to water, and his mother nurtured this within him until her untimely
death.
Confucianism can be analyzed in two
main segments. We must study the Five Great Virtues and the Five Great
Relationships to truly understand the Confucian school of thought. The Five Great
Virtues are Ren (Empathy), Li (Appropriate behavior), Shu (Reciprocity), Xiao
(Filial Piety or ancestral devotion), Wen (Culture or love of music, art,
poetry). I feel most aligned to the concept of Shu. We are certainly well
versed in our culture to the thought process of the Golden Rule which would be
of a similar nature.
Shu represents not only receiving
what is needed but also giving what you can to aid another human being. In a
society that is very wrapped up in taking what we need to survive and climb our
corporate ladder of choice, the ideal of reciprocity speaks loudly to me. I
find its voice to be soothing and honorable. If all would honestly give as much
as they proceed to take, what a wonder filled world this could truly be.
The other major segmentation of
Confucianism comes in the representation of the Five Great Relationships. They
are Father, Son; Older brother, Younger brother; Husband, Wife; Elder, Younger;
Ruler, Subject.
I think the relationship that most
intrigues me in the Five Great Relationships would be the Husband to Wife.
Primarily we have lost the element of family in this country. A husband and
wife must strike and imperative balance in order to raise a successful family
unit. A husband is seen as being the leader, the strength, the money maker, the
decision maker. The wife is seen as running the household, the one who will nurture
and care for the husband, children and household. While some may view that as a
very fifties view from our culture’s perspective, I think it can be done in
such a way as to create family harmony.
If each relationship category
operated within its well versed territory as Confucius states should be done
there would be a beautiful harmonic flow in the society as it would naturally
develop in this method of operation.
We have in the Western culture
development, sought individual liberty which has positives and negatives as any
element would. On the negative aspect, I see that striking out in a direction
of betterment of self, only invited stepping on others in the path to your own personal
achievement.
The grand
thread throughout Confucianism would be to follow the ideals of the five
virtues and the five relationships in order to reach a state where one has
become a superior person (junzi). “The Master said, a gentleman takes as much
trouble to discover what is right as lesser men take to discover what will pay
(from the Analects, p. 245 Molloy).”
As in
Taoism, one would strive to be as perfect in deed as one would also strive to
be perfect in thought. Life was about learning. Life was striving to exist in a
natural state of harmony. “A gentleman covets the reputation of being slow in
word but prompt in deed (p. 245 Molloy).”
Another
component of Confucianism that I greatly enjoyed was its magnetism to the arts.
Wen is a love of culture: music, art, and poetry. A soul being expressed freely
to me is beautiful. “Confucianism has been a great patron of the Chinese arts
(p. 251 Molloy).
Basically, a
conclusive thought regarding Confucianism would be that if one were to
adequately follow the structured thoughts of the Master, one would become a
person of honor, a person of good deed, a person who loved the arts, a person
who was dedicated to knowledge and finding harmony within one’s society.
Confucianism
marries well to almost any religion because it is a school of thought not a
religious persuasion. It holds high concepts of intelligence, valor, strength
of mind, and actions that portray one in honorable societal light. There are no
gods to worship. There are no rites of passage. There are no holy days or
traditions, only a school of thought built on strong logic meant to be followed
with a perfectionist’s tenacity to allow one to rise above the average of the
societal stance and become the best of oneself.
Because it
is a school of thought, I see Confucianism lasting for many ages to come, able
to supplement any people, with any belief, in any time period. It is a strong foundation
for any human being committed to excellence of thought, and excellence of deed.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
The Xenia Thread
Xenia, the ancient Greek concept of hospitality played
a very large role in the story of the Odyssey. As a backbone, the concept is
mirrored in both positive and negative light. Remove the existence of Xenia
from the story, and the essence of the Odyssey will dissipate before your eyes.
The first
representation of Xenia rests in the beginning of the story. We find many men
troubling Telemachus as they attempt to be suitors for his mother, though she
remains loyal to her husband Odysseus.
Telemachus
expresses his vexation to the disguised Athena when he states, “They are eating
us out of house and home, and will kill me someday (p. 248).”
Due to the
cultural respect of the concept of Xenia, Telemachus is unable to remove these
men from his father’s home. His mother is not entertaining the suitors but
remains loyal to her belief that Odysseus is alive and will yet return home.
The “suitors” bank on Telemachus’ obligation to Xenia and remain comfortable in
the home of Odysseus.
This
becomes an aggregant thread throughout the story from the beginning of the tale
to the climax itself.
In the
case of the men seeking to be suitors, the honor of Xenia became a negative for
Telemachus as he endeavored to uphold the honor of his Father’s house. However,
there are points in the story where Odysseus could not have survived without
it.
Nausicaa
was aroused by Athena (once more employing disguise) to rise from her slumber
and wash her clothing. At the river, her path crosses the broken form of
Odysseus: having washed upon the river’s shore the night before “On hands and
knees. The sea had broken his spirit. His whole body was swollen…He lay
scarcely alive (p. 282-283)...”
Awakening
to the sound of Nausicaa and her maids, Odysseus found himself broken and
covered in brine. Nausicaa provided him with elements of oil and clothing so he
may once more be presentable and hence represented Xenia to a strong degree. “Get
ready now, stranger…So I can show you the way to my father’s house…if you want
to see your homeland soon (p. 291-293)...”
Nausicaa
is aware of Odysseus’ great need for her mercy. His spirit, broken by the sea
(p. 282) had left him nothing to do beside lay naked, covered in brine on the
bank, where he lay waiting for the light of Dawn. The card of Xenia was used by
this young woman to save the life of Odysseus, restoring his vitality so he was
once more ready for travel. She knows well what she is doing as she offers the
hospitality of her father’s house. It is reflected in her words upon Odysseus’
departure, “Farewell, stranger, and remember me in your native land. I saved
your life (p. 294).”
Without
Xenia, Telemachus would have thrown out the stated suitors from his presence.
He would have upheld the honor of his father and of his mother as she remained
loyal, awaiting Odysseus’ return. Odysseus would have perhaps not survived his
travels without the hospitality of several characters along his journey. As he
arrived home, there would have been no men awaiting the slaughter of Odysseus. As
stated, remove the thread of Xenia, and the entire essence of the Odyssey
dissipates before your eyes.
The honor within the concept of Xenia comes as one must view
all guests as possible gods. It allows a traveler to be treated with utmost
respect and hospitality. One may travel more often if the code of Xenia were
present in our Western world. I am moved by this possibility. I am intrigued with
the entirety of the elements Xenia added to the story of the Odyssey. Without
it, the story simply would not remain.
Reflection: an exchange between the RAin and Kera Jo. Sick Nile River Flow!
inner light shines brighter than the sexiest of smiles, your voice could carry me through a travel that last for days worth of miles/i desire the fullest of quickness/cuz I am in this to win it/don't listen to the din/we are surrounded by white noise/boys dancing loudly around girls like they're toys/i saw the shimmer in your soul speak/this listen easy doorway/we are chorusing down bright lit streets/see this way we've paved. days after nights we forgotten the fight/ till another soldier comes along and reminds us what is right/we are the better of the best/ the fastest of the winners/we are the daring to do better/the rising of the sinners
im thirsty you rain/ easing my pain/ listen to all you're telling me/tempted to end your celibacy/always loved a warrior/ the fight is in your eyes/ two poetic souls arise/brought by the Nile underneath bright skies
wise listeners hear our voices carry, and in those sacred spaces my tongue would know to tarry, I carry the weight of these words on my shoulders from here to the next world war they are a boulder/I am a barrier/sinking in the quick sand/rescuing those ready to resurrect and trying to hearken to the plan/understand it is never easy to see the eyes that refuse the freeing/i would rather be able to rescue the whole damned human race
I am a supporter, lifting the sound of your voice like amplifier, coupling it with my own, finding the healing harmonic vibration to heal and liberate a nation/ I am a healer to dress the wounds of the hurt who hurt, to bottle your tears that will moisten the dry wounds of those who didn't know they were bound till their bonds were loose
noose around their necks/yet their pain deserves respect/i was sent to loosen and protect/march steady and gain connect/ we wise warriors never tarry, and even tho these days to come promise to be scary/i am the one who shall limit the variable/vary the bull/we embrace the skull/ i am milk to your cranium/all that I say I am/wiser than just yesterday/i may saunter, sway, and even swagger/but i never shatter, and I never fall down
never fall during crisis, all praise to Isis, the victory is priceless, with niceness we ice this/ fear is a factor for them who lack the, stamina to back the ...wins that we after/ one factor... of this war is the battle crosses realms/ with knowledge as a captain & wisdom at the helm/for those who thought it might broke, we be corded like rope, reporting bright hope, cuz what we write? DOPE
scope out the tower/bright laced in alabaster/we march until the middle class become the master/what we after is equality/i am here to set my people free/speak easy floor at the speak easy door/this speak easy score is easy to settle/I am a beast on a microphone/I only ask that you give me my own/I am here for the Pride of my people/roll our the paper and erect a brand new steeple/we deeper than surface level/soul settled and we have become unfettered/we better than the baddest "click up on this thing"/we sing loud songs/our melodies long/we gong over liars and set the whole world on fyah/we the one true desire/soul flyers/we aspire to be the greatest/and that's exactly what we'll be
Equality I'm with you, & for that Equity, get with me, we here to not let it be/ anything but better, Rain you make it wetter while I loose the fetter, & we do this to(get)her/ liberate the masses, re-establish classes, quick with it, we fastest to not let nothing past us/ Your beauty is alluring, your flow is steady pouring/ hear the goddess in the song of your soul, hope one day your hand I hold
my hand, heart and body/sistah, you got this goddess throbbing/and i haven't even seen your pictures/but we steady chemistrating this mixture/get wit ya/shit we was born of one another/mother to daughter and sister is to father as lover is the profit/we the wisest on the market/we sick with it/soul flow/only down with the intimate/we the baddest on the infinite/character arising from the divinity/we see far and wide/almost arose above the ocean tide/we hide from no one/the aten arises and we remember the battle done/the setting sun/victory won/we the only ones
my heart just skipped a beat, like a remix on dese streets/ I'm drinkin in your words & my reflection became complete/ no need for pictures, just picture, eyes closed & Im with you/ voice to voice, we hit membRain, the intensity insane!/crazy & deranged, they bout to think us strange cuz we bout to rock the stage, cross land & time & age/ i think we'll uncover memory of when I was you and you was me, walkin in divinity, traveling cross infinity
touch with a word that was seen & not heard/ with that you CAME into me, gladly allow u to enter me/ joined we belong, on a rhyme, poem or song/ How can I not listen, when Im also waiting so long?/ hard core is why your heart pour, I love your name/ cause what your called and what you do are exactly the same/ Reign Rain Reign, queen... goddess... I proclaim, that we will both win this game, cause our lamp remains!
we are the same/reflection of the other/sister to mother/lover under covers/shit what is this?/you have filled me with the quickness/quick witted and spitting/these words that cannot be mocked/we spock and the doctor/the captain is the profit/we walking through the soft lands/but good to know I walk with you/sew together all these pieces/keep my strengthened skin from reaching/we deep in and we begin the preaching/we wander far from home/i feel much less alone/we zone off and in and witness/our souls are braved with quickness/we witness a physical distance, but i am twin to your soul
loving you would be loving me, complete and utterly/ both instant & suddenly, don't know what was done to me/but to your words I testify, my spirit won't let this lie/& our eternal souls won't let this die, within me, you are inside/ Thank you for this zone, the house we build now becomes a home/Today I felt so alone, till we spoke & u were my own
hone in on your every sense/and no one in their right mind could consider this senseless/we are no where near defenseless/my niece cannot even determine which voice is yours and which is mine/so let us attempt to redefine/lines over symptoms/we are the bearing of the beginning/wish you were in the physical with me/i could use your arms wrapped in mine
I would hold u tight, stroke your hair, share your breath, & kiss u lightly on the forehead with each rhythmic rise of your breast/ I would pour my energy into you & receive yours as edify one another, powering up the divine light, godess to godess/ We would paint word pictures of our future journey together & harmonize with the melody of our motions/ We would make love naturally, spiritually and mentally, multi-orgasmic continuums on each plane simultaneously... if I was there in the physical
i concede as we feed into this divincal flow/knowing what it will be like before we even menatally know/we mentally flow/sewing seeds for the future and we simply just grow/together/weathering every storm/storm over sickness/we are dancing through the swiftness/ breathing through the quickness/why are you not in my arms?
I was, I am & I will be... you were, you are, you will be with me/ Time is unreal, we live as we feel/ to take care of you, meet your needs, we both water and plant the seeds/ storm whenever, make music forever, belong together, separate never!
never is a long time/but I plant forever seeds on a long vine/we determine what we will mine/like gold finds/we divine our destinies, and I promise you will get the best of me/divest in me the secrets of your entity/i am emptying/my song into your arms/the rest of me/i am protected see/but the goddesses i choose never underestimate me/we the prophecy/the ones we've been waiting for/we the secrecy/a peace of me/and we be marching free/the clemency/like offering the offerings would give the penance see/we the brahman see/the state of the gods till no more falter see/we the offering/daughtering the goddesses of the sanctuary/we the estuary/scary nonetheless/we are blessed with the best of forever/soul sever/we together/and together we will weather any storm/i've the strongest arm/keep you safe from harm, and you offer me a safe breast to call home
A breast to rest, be comforted and confess/ I too give you my best, profess that your songs in my arms they belong/ sinking into my skin, bone and marrow, becoming nutritious, you're so delicious, the answer to my wishes/ more like prayers, elevate me with your stares/ inebriate me with each lesson/ like Rain in drought, u r my blessing
so i lay in your gentle breast confession/this vision, no make that obssession/this image, no make that projection/we succession/like every blessing is rising in the height of our surmising/ i am fantasizing/cuz this alone time i was needing turned into me and you just free flowing/one to the other/how could i not expect you would penetrate me under cover/use no rubber/we need no gloves in between us/we could take it rough or ragged/my soul lies jagged/but you this magnet, and I cannot phathom/we empathic/haven't even touched you yet/you won't regret, the night you lay in my arms/my spiritual charms already got you raw...wish you wer closer/in the physical/take my meanings literal/goddamit girl/i'm spinning whirls/like whirlwinds of thought/of iron wrought/we been double bought/double sold/we made of gold/make that titanium/we got this new etheral hum/we already been done/but no one seen love like this before/we settle the score/open the door/what more could we offer/they can keep on scoffing/but we keep on walking/worn soles for worn souls
dont mean to be rude or intrude, alone I want you nude/ raw & real, sensitive to how I feel/ how I want to repair any damage, tear or wear/ peace the pieces, ravish you but not damage you/caught in your world wind, we won't let this world win/eradicate this worlds' sin, we created this world we in/Im hummin with you hear me? I too want you near me/ two worn souls with warm holds, you moistened my warm hole/ don't mean to be crude, want your body & soul nude
ain't nothin rude. we could continue this delicate fude/interesting fuug how I protruded into you/ you into me/we finally see...all we were meant to be/why won't you come to me/you set my spirit free/want you to see/all you expected resurrected/full erection/offer you protection/life's direction/we only sections of the same whole/same soul/won flow/we let our ethereal grow.
Poplar
Black breath wind
Like thin laced white magnolia skin
Of the not so distant South
We mouth our penitence
Like we mean it
But wouldn't we be screaming
If they took away our freedom?
These Kings & Queens
Swinging like fruit from poplar trees
Blood drips
Rhythmic drums
Like Rain on rooftops
Run
Run
Run?
Like thin laced white magnolia skin
Of the not so distant South
We mouth our penitence
Like we mean it
But wouldn't we be screaming
If they took away our freedom?
These Kings & Queens
Swinging like fruit from poplar trees
Blood drips
Rhythmic drums
Like Rain on rooftops
Run
Run
Run?
Diwali
Bouncing around the walls of infinity
His lungs breathing me
With sacred affinity
I speak in haiku
Strong Ma'at in my sentences
As the Aten arises
Washing away all pretenses
We rise
And we fall
We shine
And we call
We dance upon stars
Of which we were born
We walk over miles
In cycles like the Nile
We radiate with smiles
Like Diwali in the night
His lungs breathing me
With sacred affinity
I speak in haiku
Strong Ma'at in my sentences
As the Aten arises
Washing away all pretenses
We rise
And we fall
We shine
And we call
We dance upon stars
Of which we were born
We walk over miles
In cycles like the Nile
We radiate with smiles
Like Diwali in the night
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