With less than six hours to sleep, I wrestled with these poetic words in my head. As every writer knows some of the best things ever written have been in the middle of the night, from the seat of a toilet, or the most frustrating: when you have no way of recording it. That being said, I hope someone that reads this gets something major out if this post since I DID get out of bed to write it.
Those who have not taken the time to understand me often judge me or say harsh things in regards to the fact that I cry a lot. My eyes can be seen welling up with tears when my sensitive feelings are hurt, when I am frustrated, or even at times when I am angry. I am also quite sensitive to the world around me. I went for years not watching the news because I couldn't handle some of the horrible things that go on in this world on a daily basis. However, my eyes can also be seen flooding at something amazing I have just experienced or even the empathic connection I receive when someone filled with joy takes the time to share their story with me. The truth is that I can tend to let my emotions get the best of me. The truth is it is something I work on every day.
What I would like to point out (though I realize I am preaching to the choir here) is that we as human beings have a whole gamut of emotions that we are meant to experience. I have been accused of being bi-polar, schizophrenic and called such things as "spaz" since I was little. The truth is I just feel my emotions completely. I had a co-worker once that really didn't get me at first. In the beginning we were constantly bumping heads. One day, he said to me "You really need to stop letting the little things get to you". I said, "Perhaps, but you know what the beauty of it is?" He said, "What's that?" I said, "The little things really get to me". I can't explain the joy that a butterfly passing by offers me, the magnitude of the beauty of twilight, the Sun rising or setting, a good conversation, etc. The beauty of the little things are the strength that keep me going through a world that also contains a lot of darkness.
Society at large has become afraid of their emotions. Many do not know why they feel what they feel, how to express what they feel and have one or two expressions for everything. Like the Rhesus monkeys society has begun to exhibit some seriously aggressive tendencies in situations that certainly don't call for it. The General Population has largely ceased making eye contact and I cannot even count how many times I see a table in the restaurant where all parties are on their digital device and not even paying attention to the beautiful beings in front of them. I am scared for the current status on emotion. As sensitive as I truly am (and that is not really all bad) I know that most people that mock my emotion really just don't know how to deal with their own. Please remember that I clearly stated I DO let my emotions get the best of me sometimes and I AM working on this. But, I will never apologize for tears.
Life can offer you rivers of pain. Life can provide you with rivers of joy. This is my River Jordan. I will be victorious. I will seek daily to maximize my potential in this life. And if a bitter young woman wishes to call me an over-achiever because of it, I will pray that she is blessed with the happiest ordinary life she can create. When did we stop dreaming? When did we stop inventing amazing positions to fulfill "when we grew up"? When did we stop looking up into the sky to see what shape the clouds could make today? When did emotion become a bad thing?
I am passionate. I am on fire. I am honest and very good at saying I am sorry when I have done wrong. I am a work in progress just like the rest of us and I hope that perhaps this touched someone in a very relevant space. I love the amazing people in my life and am grateful every day because I know there is no way I could be the woman I have become without every integral part of my enchanted life story.
Three cheers for honest tears!
Three cheers for emotion.
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