April Update.

As you all know, I gave away and sold everything that I owned expecting to be accepted in the Peace Corps for an assignment in South Africa teaching English. I would have also learned Swahili and would have been afforded the trip to go to a country rich with history and struggle and would have been able to walk some of the same steps that Mandela walked. I moved back home to Rochester and for the first month was treated like and lived like a Queen. Being back in the same basement I was when my life fell apart in 2011 had me facing some of the same thoughts I had and some of the same emotions. I reflected on all that I had accomplished alive with hope. Ready for the journey. I was not accepted for the position and though the Peace Corps has repeatedly invited me to try for other positions, I interpreted not being sent as a sign that it was not meant for me to go. Africa is certainly calling me, and I know my work will take me there under different, more appropriate parameters. I was daunted however. I mean, I gave away my piano! I sold my rig (keys, amp, stand, bench, case, cables...) which I have had since I was 19! I bought it at the House of Guitars right down the street from where I once again am laying my head to rest through a massive transformation in my life. I own no bed, no cookware, no furniture of any sort, and to what end? To purchase it all again? No one in my life expected me not to go (except my beautiful mother). So, I activated Plan B.

Plan B saw me accepted into the Doctoral Program of my dreams at Pacifica Graduate Institute. The goal to attain a Doctorate in Depth Psychology, CLE (Critical Community Psychology, Liberation Psychology, and Eco-Psychology). Yesterday, As Kamahria warned me I would find, it was made clear to me just how large the gap was between what Financial Aid can cover and what I will be responsible for by other means. Now, having no rich relative that is able to support me, I have two options that I know of so far. First, there is a Student Account department that arranges the balance in monthly or quarterly payments. Second, I can take out a Grad Plus loan. I am waiting to find out how much the monthly/quarterly payments would amount to. The Grad Plus loan is based on credit score and therefore, I am willing to bet that I am not even eligible. Once again, I am feeling daunted.

Furthermore, on a personal front, I have been really going through it! Some details I will not include (my inner circle knows). I have not been making sufficient money to even pay my bills since my arrival. I was just hired full time by Texas de Brazil and am hoping that this job is just as good to me as Seabreeze was and I am able to comfortably support myself all the way through my doctorate (that is IF the stars align for me to attain my doctorate). I do have absolute faith in the path my destiny sees me taking. I only get a couple puzzle pieces at a time. If I am not able to manage to get into Pacifica, I will activate Plan C. But that is getting ahead of myself...I really am rooting for Plan B.

I have had a lot of ghosts to face from my past life here in Rochester. I have a lot of history in this my beloved city. I have made some tragic mistakes, some significant errors in judgement, but I am able to say that I have also risen above some of the sins I have struggled with for what feels like centuries. I am transforming yet again, and if I say I have faith, then I must show it. I have been homeless, beaten, raped, so whether it is plan C, D, E, F, G or Z... I will follow the path of my destiny.

I would like to take a moment and thank every family member, every close friend, every fan, follower, fellow sojourner, supporter for offering me love and support every step of the way. It has been a turbulent ride for me the past couple months. However, there have been many amazing stories to tell along the way. I love my life and am grateful for even the toughest of times because it is these times where we truly get to show whether or not our soul is committed to Truth, whether or not we will be victorious. I am no ordinary woman. I have many to thank for helping me find every next version of me. I will first and foremost always thank my mother and father, Judy and Robert, for giving me every good thing they knew how to give. I know not where the next step might be but I do know the power of my destiny. I am humbled by the journey, honored by this gift, LIFE!