Here I stand in my own shadow. My nemesis. My Ren as the Egyptians would say. I am shadow to my shadow. Reaper. Gatherer. Healer. Nurturer. Time to nurture me.
My father set me free this evening. His counsel was sound, and many have said to me a lot of the same words that tonight he spoke. "Love thy Neighbor as thyself." So, I have to first love myself. I have taken care of so many to my detriment. I have prided myself in my ability to pull energy from the cosmos and continue forward. But, what have I left in the shadowlands? The life that could have been.
So, I do not post this in a spirit of regret. I post this in a spirit of purge. Cleanse. Admiration for a man who has also stood strong through much suffering. But how much of this suffering do we choose? By our action? By our inaction? Where are we in this maze of healing and pain? Sunshine and rain? Dancing and running from our shadow?
I am at a point I will be forced to surrender my truck. The wise goddess, Asia Wilcox has goaded me in this very direction so many times. Part stubborn pride. Part dignity and work ethic. Part stubborn pride. Wait, did I already say stubborn pride!
I am bittersweet at the moment. But out of the rivers Tigris & Euphrates, the gods and goddesses were born. Out of Nun rose Atum. Heliopolis. My island of free. Island of me. Many good things to come this year. This decade. This life. I surrender my truck. I do NOT surrender my right to survive.
I am enjoying my classes immensely. I am hearing music. Breathing in life in a whole new way. From the reflection of myself in the steak knives we polish at work to the ripples of the water in the toilet I had to plunge...it is all one. Part of us. I see the sun in the leaves of the trees. Hear the symphonic harmony of the cosmos in the wings of the bees. I am free in this moment from all they wanted to pigeonhole me into becoming. I am not running or giving up.
It is my time to soar.
Hathor Atum-RAin Christi Ausar.
The goddess has spoken. Within me. Through me. Because of me. Without me.
Ruminations galore. Thank you all for your support.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Propensity
It is a natural predilection for me to learn. I thirst for knowledge. I am constantly curious. So, letting go of the overwhelming emotional and spiritual pain of the last few days, I would like to share with you all my amazing experience of returning to school.
I am taking three classes.
My first class is General Psychology. My teacher is energetic, intriguing, and seems like she is going to be a supportive, informative and interesting teacher. Our big semester assignment is a choice I will have to make. The first option is to perform eight hours of community service of our choosing and write about the experience from a first year psych perspective. It will be in two major parts. The first part earlier in the semester will be our initial judgments and responses, and the second part later in the semester will incorporate all we have learned. Our second option is to choose an icon that is well documented again of our choosing. The first person who came to mind for me was Jim Morrison. Again in two parts, we would break down our initial feelings and then later in the semester incorporate all we have learned. I am leaning toward community service and have two ideas: Rape Crisis Center or a Rehabilitation Center.
My second class is Applied Mathematics for Liberal Arts. It will incorporate a lot of writing. My first paper which I have already completed was on my emotions and background in mathematics and what Plagiarism is and what it means to me. In this class we will be investigating stock market trading, car loans, household budgets and daily uses of general math. It is odd but surprising. I expounded on the mathematical nature of the universe, nature and the function of numerology spiritually in my personal life. We shall see what the Professor (Maria Pickle) finds in my writing.
My third class is Humanities: the East West Diversion. I am extremely excited about this class especially as we will be breaking down multiple religions and cultures including Ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, and much more. Our first quiz was a personality test that defined us into categories and determined what type of lesson plan we would have individually. I was labelled a prophet. I had two Law Giver qualities and three Prophet qualities so I was actually allowed to choose between either label. Mathematically I felt it logical to choose Prophet. And well, Spiritually it seemed to follow through. So Prophet I am. I will be responsible to write four papers on four different sacred words. I will write one paper on a monomyth and one paper on a mythical place. This will be a large chunk of our grade. Determined by the personality quiz we each have an individualized lesson plan all weighted the same but with different areas of focus. Intriguing.
I am very excited about this development in my life. Returning to school has been a dream for a great many years. I have already jumped leaps and bounds from one day! Areas of my mind that have long been dormant seem invigorated and ready for more.
Thank you all for your continued support.
Game On!
I am taking three classes.
My first class is General Psychology. My teacher is energetic, intriguing, and seems like she is going to be a supportive, informative and interesting teacher. Our big semester assignment is a choice I will have to make. The first option is to perform eight hours of community service of our choosing and write about the experience from a first year psych perspective. It will be in two major parts. The first part earlier in the semester will be our initial judgments and responses, and the second part later in the semester will incorporate all we have learned. Our second option is to choose an icon that is well documented again of our choosing. The first person who came to mind for me was Jim Morrison. Again in two parts, we would break down our initial feelings and then later in the semester incorporate all we have learned. I am leaning toward community service and have two ideas: Rape Crisis Center or a Rehabilitation Center.
My second class is Applied Mathematics for Liberal Arts. It will incorporate a lot of writing. My first paper which I have already completed was on my emotions and background in mathematics and what Plagiarism is and what it means to me. In this class we will be investigating stock market trading, car loans, household budgets and daily uses of general math. It is odd but surprising. I expounded on the mathematical nature of the universe, nature and the function of numerology spiritually in my personal life. We shall see what the Professor (Maria Pickle) finds in my writing.
My third class is Humanities: the East West Diversion. I am extremely excited about this class especially as we will be breaking down multiple religions and cultures including Ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, and much more. Our first quiz was a personality test that defined us into categories and determined what type of lesson plan we would have individually. I was labelled a prophet. I had two Law Giver qualities and three Prophet qualities so I was actually allowed to choose between either label. Mathematically I felt it logical to choose Prophet. And well, Spiritually it seemed to follow through. So Prophet I am. I will be responsible to write four papers on four different sacred words. I will write one paper on a monomyth and one paper on a mythical place. This will be a large chunk of our grade. Determined by the personality quiz we each have an individualized lesson plan all weighted the same but with different areas of focus. Intriguing.
I am very excited about this development in my life. Returning to school has been a dream for a great many years. I have already jumped leaps and bounds from one day! Areas of my mind that have long been dormant seem invigorated and ready for more.
Thank you all for your continued support.
Game On!
Six Miles!
I recently discovered it is six miles from my apartment to the Ocean. I want to tell you I am glad She was so close last night. I have traversed through much pain the last several days due to a situation that should have never existed.
Because I love this person who hurt me so much I would like to elude the exact details and rather share some of the thoughts that surround the situation instead.
First of all I feel that we as a society have come backward in many regards. The eye to eye contact. The honest communication. The general respect. The courtesies of yesteryear have all but disappeared. It is becoming less and less common to retain personal honor. To honor commitment. To commit to relationships of all sort. To sort through our emotions. To emote empathy for others feelings. To feel our way through a situation adequately. To live up to our potential as spiritual beings.
I am a giver by nature. A healer. A nurturer. I believe in the ethereal and eternal nature of love. Love is a truth that continues after romance fades. I am thus friends with most of my past romances. I do not see anything unhealthy about this. What I do see unhealthy in myself is constantly giving to people who will not reciprocate. Expending my own funds to do so. Allowing my tender heart to be abused time after time after time.
I am by no means perfect. I am however extremely aware of where my fault lines lay and I am a constant evolving work in progress. It troubles me that our society in general has fallen away from, "Know Thyself" and rather lives by imagery instead. We have begun to thrive on appearances. To lie our way through daily lives. To tell ourselves stories to satiate what is really taking place.
Where does this leave our tomorrow? We are in trouble all over the place and instead of facing the demon head on, we are placating ourselves with small fixes. I want to see bright and brilliant change. I want to be a part of the forward momentum.
Please do not get me wrong I also know there are still those of us who love for real, who speak the truth, who know our inner workings, who seek higher awareness, who reciprocate, who thirst for knowledge, who genuinely want to effect change.
We are at a cosmic precipice. We are at the dawning of a brand new age. We are at a crossroads of stellar proportions. I encourage all of us to rise above what we were yesterday. Embrace where we have come from and morph into something more brilliant than we were just seconds prior.
I could sit down with those who refuse to try. I could lay on the floor screaming, "Why Me?" I could writhe in my pain and allow the people I love so much who are not seeking evolution to continue to harm my genuine Spirit. I could point my middle finger in the air. Fault the broken system, and quit. I refuse to give up!
I will not be broken. I will not be beaten. I was told by one of my inner circle that I have the biggest heart he has ever seen. He told me that my capacity for love amazed him. He also told me that I allow myself to empathetically connect with people at such an intimate level that once I realize the ones who are not of the same caliber as I desire to be, it is near impossible for me to separate from them. I see his point.
I have been working intently the last few months at becoming an island. A temple sacred unto myself. I envision the ocean around me being the essence of the divine that separates me from those that would try to drink more than their fair share of my life forces.
One can only take from me what I allow. I am just not sure how to segregate yet.
I believe in love, pure and divine. I believe in truth straight from the vine. I believe in soil so rich we can grow. I believe in reciprocal flow. But unless all or most of us do, it is a lonely world out there.
I have hope. I see those who are ready to revive our society. I believe in the destiny that lead me to this place. I honor my heart and seek only to become stronger, wiser, more honest, more aware, more evolved than I was two seconds ago.
I hope that my light inspire others to be the very best that they have to offer. I would like to believe that there is someone out there who is not going to break my heart. I would like to hope that there will come a day I might give birth to my first born child. I want this dream. I am saddened by the stock of human culture that swirls around me daily. I am discouraged by the last couple months of being hurt by a couple of my closest friends to extents that have shocked my system.
Be careful what you wish for...I know! I recently had meditated and called for a cleansing: I asked that all those that were not dedicated to world change, and personal evolution as was I, would be removed from me. I want to resonate at higher levels. I want to reverberate across the globe. I want all of you who are seeking truth to know, WE ARE NOT ALONE!
I never knew how many the Universe would need to take away. I love so deeply. It has been a lot of pain. I am truly learning to stand on my own. I am in a place I have never been. The depths of it excite and frighten me. I see the water far below. The precipice has arrived. I am ready to spread my wings and fly.
Growing pains!
Six miles to the Ocean I go.
Lay at her feet pain only She knows.
Six miles and I am not the same.
Six miles and I will be back home again.
Dark are the waters and they run so deep.
Tall is the precipice and I am afraid to reach
The height of my potential is crying out to me.
Six miles of beach as I walk Sunset shore.
Six miles Though I feel I could walk much more.
Time is of the essence
May we never fade
Burn out or turn our back on Fate.
Why wait for tomorrow what can be done today?
The Sun is setting and it is getting late.
Six miles to the Ocean and I am running now.
Six miles to the Ocean just to figure out.
Why all the love I had to offer was just not enough.
Six miles to the Ocean and I drink it up.
I am wasted and wandering dead in my Fear.
Six miles to the Ocean and She draws me near.
My music is blaring yet she whispers in my ear.
Six miles to the Ocean.
I called you here.
Because I love this person who hurt me so much I would like to elude the exact details and rather share some of the thoughts that surround the situation instead.
First of all I feel that we as a society have come backward in many regards. The eye to eye contact. The honest communication. The general respect. The courtesies of yesteryear have all but disappeared. It is becoming less and less common to retain personal honor. To honor commitment. To commit to relationships of all sort. To sort through our emotions. To emote empathy for others feelings. To feel our way through a situation adequately. To live up to our potential as spiritual beings.
I am a giver by nature. A healer. A nurturer. I believe in the ethereal and eternal nature of love. Love is a truth that continues after romance fades. I am thus friends with most of my past romances. I do not see anything unhealthy about this. What I do see unhealthy in myself is constantly giving to people who will not reciprocate. Expending my own funds to do so. Allowing my tender heart to be abused time after time after time.
I am by no means perfect. I am however extremely aware of where my fault lines lay and I am a constant evolving work in progress. It troubles me that our society in general has fallen away from, "Know Thyself" and rather lives by imagery instead. We have begun to thrive on appearances. To lie our way through daily lives. To tell ourselves stories to satiate what is really taking place.
Where does this leave our tomorrow? We are in trouble all over the place and instead of facing the demon head on, we are placating ourselves with small fixes. I want to see bright and brilliant change. I want to be a part of the forward momentum.
Please do not get me wrong I also know there are still those of us who love for real, who speak the truth, who know our inner workings, who seek higher awareness, who reciprocate, who thirst for knowledge, who genuinely want to effect change.
We are at a cosmic precipice. We are at the dawning of a brand new age. We are at a crossroads of stellar proportions. I encourage all of us to rise above what we were yesterday. Embrace where we have come from and morph into something more brilliant than we were just seconds prior.
I could sit down with those who refuse to try. I could lay on the floor screaming, "Why Me?" I could writhe in my pain and allow the people I love so much who are not seeking evolution to continue to harm my genuine Spirit. I could point my middle finger in the air. Fault the broken system, and quit. I refuse to give up!
I will not be broken. I will not be beaten. I was told by one of my inner circle that I have the biggest heart he has ever seen. He told me that my capacity for love amazed him. He also told me that I allow myself to empathetically connect with people at such an intimate level that once I realize the ones who are not of the same caliber as I desire to be, it is near impossible for me to separate from them. I see his point.
I have been working intently the last few months at becoming an island. A temple sacred unto myself. I envision the ocean around me being the essence of the divine that separates me from those that would try to drink more than their fair share of my life forces.
One can only take from me what I allow. I am just not sure how to segregate yet.
I believe in love, pure and divine. I believe in truth straight from the vine. I believe in soil so rich we can grow. I believe in reciprocal flow. But unless all or most of us do, it is a lonely world out there.
I have hope. I see those who are ready to revive our society. I believe in the destiny that lead me to this place. I honor my heart and seek only to become stronger, wiser, more honest, more aware, more evolved than I was two seconds ago.
I hope that my light inspire others to be the very best that they have to offer. I would like to believe that there is someone out there who is not going to break my heart. I would like to hope that there will come a day I might give birth to my first born child. I want this dream. I am saddened by the stock of human culture that swirls around me daily. I am discouraged by the last couple months of being hurt by a couple of my closest friends to extents that have shocked my system.
Be careful what you wish for...I know! I recently had meditated and called for a cleansing: I asked that all those that were not dedicated to world change, and personal evolution as was I, would be removed from me. I want to resonate at higher levels. I want to reverberate across the globe. I want all of you who are seeking truth to know, WE ARE NOT ALONE!
I never knew how many the Universe would need to take away. I love so deeply. It has been a lot of pain. I am truly learning to stand on my own. I am in a place I have never been. The depths of it excite and frighten me. I see the water far below. The precipice has arrived. I am ready to spread my wings and fly.
Growing pains!
Six miles to the Ocean I go.
Lay at her feet pain only She knows.
Six miles and I am not the same.
Six miles and I will be back home again.
Dark are the waters and they run so deep.
Tall is the precipice and I am afraid to reach
The height of my potential is crying out to me.
Six miles of beach as I walk Sunset shore.
Six miles Though I feel I could walk much more.
Time is of the essence
May we never fade
Burn out or turn our back on Fate.
Why wait for tomorrow what can be done today?
The Sun is setting and it is getting late.
Six miles to the Ocean and I am running now.
Six miles to the Ocean just to figure out.
Why all the love I had to offer was just not enough.
Six miles to the Ocean and I drink it up.
I am wasted and wandering dead in my Fear.
Six miles to the Ocean and She draws me near.
My music is blaring yet she whispers in my ear.
Six miles to the Ocean.
I called you here.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Apple Pie
My Piano could tell you what's wrong.
My words could answer in the form of a song.
My body could touch you for all love is worth.
Know that my soul for you yearns.
Believe in the chances that you take, and know some of them will be mistakes.
But breathe in deep every breath that you take and life will come shining through.
Minute to the marker. Lamb to the slaughter. Mother to daughter. Husband to wife.
Life shines. Love survives.
Embrace the emotion of each carress.
Asset to asset we press up against the past with confusion, lies, anxiety.
What does it mean to be free?
Here I am trying to discern you.
Look into your eyes just to see you.
Longing to hold you and free you from your metamorphic chains.
Reach for me won't you?
I want you to press against the flesh of my secret places.
Petal your way to my spiral of pain and release me.
Put me on my knees and appeased be.
Long time runner in a freeze he,
Will never cease to feel my flame.
Am I sane or am I wizened?
Tree branches to the ground given.
Soft skin at rest shriven,
And in your breast I am home.
Queen bee to the honey hive.
Long lived and you know I'll thrive.
Life is like Apple Pie,
And love the a la mode
My words could answer in the form of a song.
My body could touch you for all love is worth.
Know that my soul for you yearns.
Believe in the chances that you take, and know some of them will be mistakes.
But breathe in deep every breath that you take and life will come shining through.
Minute to the marker. Lamb to the slaughter. Mother to daughter. Husband to wife.
Life shines. Love survives.
Embrace the emotion of each carress.
Asset to asset we press up against the past with confusion, lies, anxiety.
What does it mean to be free?
Here I am trying to discern you.
Look into your eyes just to see you.
Longing to hold you and free you from your metamorphic chains.
Reach for me won't you?
I want you to press against the flesh of my secret places.
Petal your way to my spiral of pain and release me.
Put me on my knees and appeased be.
Long time runner in a freeze he,
Will never cease to feel my flame.
Am I sane or am I wizened?
Tree branches to the ground given.
Soft skin at rest shriven,
And in your breast I am home.
Queen bee to the honey hive.
Long lived and you know I'll thrive.
Life is like Apple Pie,
And love the a la mode
Six Sense none the Richer
With the sixteen cents I have left jingling in my pocket, I mingle my thoughts with the temperature of the Humid, Florida Air. I bare my soul with the eye contact I make with every person I pass. I offer greeting. I receive surprise in return.
Many of us have become anxiety ridden. Hidden eyes as we pass others by. Why?
We are getting engulfed by this digital age, walking by ignoring page after page of real life green and vibrant right under our feet as we stare at a small screen waiting for the next electrical impulse. It is the age of Aquarius we are entering.
I will admit the usefulness the connectivity of the Internet age has offered us. But, I implore that we do not forget these are other beings of Divine Light we are passing by. We are never certain where the next gift is coming from and who knows what the person you ignored has to offer your life, or what healing perhaps you might offer theirs.
I have watched the last generation fade away from things that were standard when I was a child. I am not that old! A mere thirty three bless-ed years on our beautiful (screaming) planet! "Wake Up!" She cries. Loudly the tide of change rushes our age. Our thoughts. Every page. Even the propaganda of Television commercials is screaming, "We Can!"
So many of my best friends prefer to text rather than talk which I must be honest I still do not understand or desire. I love to write. Texting is useful for small blurbs. But so much of our honest soul is getting condensed down to a Facebook Status! Where are we going with this? Where do we feel this path will lead? I know I am not the only Old School Soul out there.
I love long conversation. I love when people pour their souls out to me. I love approaching someone I do not even know and making them smile. My mother long ago started a great work in me. Find something you admire about every person you come across. It has changed my perception and allowed me the ability to be curious about every being. To seek the light in others. To find beauty in someone that they may not even see.
Three cheers for eye contact, and an old fashioned "hello!"
Many of us have become anxiety ridden. Hidden eyes as we pass others by. Why?
We are getting engulfed by this digital age, walking by ignoring page after page of real life green and vibrant right under our feet as we stare at a small screen waiting for the next electrical impulse. It is the age of Aquarius we are entering.
I will admit the usefulness the connectivity of the Internet age has offered us. But, I implore that we do not forget these are other beings of Divine Light we are passing by. We are never certain where the next gift is coming from and who knows what the person you ignored has to offer your life, or what healing perhaps you might offer theirs.
I have watched the last generation fade away from things that were standard when I was a child. I am not that old! A mere thirty three bless-ed years on our beautiful (screaming) planet! "Wake Up!" She cries. Loudly the tide of change rushes our age. Our thoughts. Every page. Even the propaganda of Television commercials is screaming, "We Can!"
So many of my best friends prefer to text rather than talk which I must be honest I still do not understand or desire. I love to write. Texting is useful for small blurbs. But so much of our honest soul is getting condensed down to a Facebook Status! Where are we going with this? Where do we feel this path will lead? I know I am not the only Old School Soul out there.
I love long conversation. I love when people pour their souls out to me. I love approaching someone I do not even know and making them smile. My mother long ago started a great work in me. Find something you admire about every person you come across. It has changed my perception and allowed me the ability to be curious about every being. To seek the light in others. To find beauty in someone that they may not even see.
Three cheers for eye contact, and an old fashioned "hello!"
In the Still
As some of you know, my former mother in law, Jo-an Johnson passed away this week. Her husband passed away about a year prior, and my thoughts definitely went to my ex-husband. He has one of those families that make you wish all families came just like that! Mom & Dad Johnson left a solid impact on my life and I am honored to have carried the family name for so long.
I awoke to the stillness of a pre-Sun Saturday morning and realized I have a lot to say. I would like to honor the Johnson name today and state for the record that I could not be the woman I am today without the Johnson tribe.
I was eighteen. I was homeless. Brad and his roommate at that time took me in, and allowed me to stay. Less than two weeks later I told my best friend that I would marry him.
Not to dishonour my family but I by no means had an easy childhood. Yet, for all my parents did wrong, they did so very much right. However, it took Brad many patient years to work his majik within my soul. I was young, and very broken. I did a lot of stupid things that he forgave me for. I had a lot of deep emotional imbalances that he walked me through. I was very confused and he helped me find the light. I could never repay him. What I can do is pay it forward.
I am not that confused and broken young woman anymore. Brad is responsible for much of the woman sitting here typing today. Now, obviously, we are no longer together and forever did not mean forever for us. But, I would not trade one day of what we did have. I am capable of so much more because of him and his family.
Brad's parents had that kind of love that every couple wants to believe is possible for them. I believe Brad has now found that kind of love himself. I am grateful for every step I made in my life. I am especially grateful for all the pain I have seen. It has only served to make me stronger.
Because of you, I found my foundation. Because of you, I was blessed with words that described the things I knew to be truth. Because of you, I walk stronger. Because of you, I am me.
I would like to take this time to acknowledge those that come into our life whether in passing, for a season, for many years, or for the rest of our lives that have touched us profoundly. This blog would become extremely long if I mentioned every name. But, I am only the woman I am because of every hand that has ever healed me, every smile that has ever reached me, every breath that has ever been expelled in my direction. We are ONE! A cosmically engaged universe. Scientifically explained that what we do affects all living things.
Remember those that have moved you! Acknowledge those that have augmented your flow for the better. Show caution to those that are sent to test and tempt you. Solid on your path. Be the best that you are. We are all capable of so much more!
We are made of stardust....and like dust in the wind we return again to the Cosmic Flow.
I awoke to the stillness of a pre-Sun Saturday morning and realized I have a lot to say. I would like to honor the Johnson name today and state for the record that I could not be the woman I am today without the Johnson tribe.
I was eighteen. I was homeless. Brad and his roommate at that time took me in, and allowed me to stay. Less than two weeks later I told my best friend that I would marry him.
Not to dishonour my family but I by no means had an easy childhood. Yet, for all my parents did wrong, they did so very much right. However, it took Brad many patient years to work his majik within my soul. I was young, and very broken. I did a lot of stupid things that he forgave me for. I had a lot of deep emotional imbalances that he walked me through. I was very confused and he helped me find the light. I could never repay him. What I can do is pay it forward.
I am not that confused and broken young woman anymore. Brad is responsible for much of the woman sitting here typing today. Now, obviously, we are no longer together and forever did not mean forever for us. But, I would not trade one day of what we did have. I am capable of so much more because of him and his family.
Brad's parents had that kind of love that every couple wants to believe is possible for them. I believe Brad has now found that kind of love himself. I am grateful for every step I made in my life. I am especially grateful for all the pain I have seen. It has only served to make me stronger.
Because of you, I found my foundation. Because of you, I was blessed with words that described the things I knew to be truth. Because of you, I walk stronger. Because of you, I am me.
I would like to take this time to acknowledge those that come into our life whether in passing, for a season, for many years, or for the rest of our lives that have touched us profoundly. This blog would become extremely long if I mentioned every name. But, I am only the woman I am because of every hand that has ever healed me, every smile that has ever reached me, every breath that has ever been expelled in my direction. We are ONE! A cosmically engaged universe. Scientifically explained that what we do affects all living things.
Remember those that have moved you! Acknowledge those that have augmented your flow for the better. Show caution to those that are sent to test and tempt you. Solid on your path. Be the best that you are. We are all capable of so much more!
We are made of stardust....and like dust in the wind we return again to the Cosmic Flow.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
In Flickering Flame!
So, I just luxuriated in the first bath of my new home. My first real home that was just for me. It has been quite liberating. I love bathing in candle light and with bubbles (of course)...and tonite was just that kind of night.
I lit two very sacred candles from a truly sacred event that I have been saving but decided tonight that using them did not diminish the event from its holiness. I also feel by saving them I was perhaps mandating a flow. So, I set them and the possibilities following post this most holy event free!
~Anyway~
I sunk into my candle lit bubble bath complete with the sultry renditions of Bonnie Raitt. It was not as hot as I love my bath to be, but I was overjoyed nonetheless. I felt a peace that has been coming to me more and more often. A peace that perhaps Christians would refer to as the Peace that passes all Understanding. I was in harmony with my surrounding. Very happy with my new bathtub as it fits me well and realized next time I would merely boil some water to add to it, I sunk low, and listened intently to the music.
The candle in the bath stall with me was dancing to the music. It was astounding. I had not climate control on, no fan, and it was wildly gyrating about in perfect tempo with Bonnie. Slower with the slower strains and wild with the rockin parts of her music.
Of course it is not the first time the Divine Light has danced for me. But the echo of this event was strong with me. It soothed me. It promised me an exceptional year. It showed me that I was in the right place at the exact right moment in "Time". It took away the aches of the day. The fears of not yet having an income. It reminded me who I was and Why I had moved here in the first place.
It resonated deep within me to places and vibrations that I cannot express in words. But, to all of you that will really feel this post, Thank you for listening. Thank you for overstanding. Do not be afraid to express your Souls own vibrant path. WE are here. Together. The time is now.
Dance like no one is watching. And watch for dancing candles everywhere.
I lit two very sacred candles from a truly sacred event that I have been saving but decided tonight that using them did not diminish the event from its holiness. I also feel by saving them I was perhaps mandating a flow. So, I set them and the possibilities following post this most holy event free!
~Anyway~
I sunk into my candle lit bubble bath complete with the sultry renditions of Bonnie Raitt. It was not as hot as I love my bath to be, but I was overjoyed nonetheless. I felt a peace that has been coming to me more and more often. A peace that perhaps Christians would refer to as the Peace that passes all Understanding. I was in harmony with my surrounding. Very happy with my new bathtub as it fits me well and realized next time I would merely boil some water to add to it, I sunk low, and listened intently to the music.
The candle in the bath stall with me was dancing to the music. It was astounding. I had not climate control on, no fan, and it was wildly gyrating about in perfect tempo with Bonnie. Slower with the slower strains and wild with the rockin parts of her music.
Of course it is not the first time the Divine Light has danced for me. But the echo of this event was strong with me. It soothed me. It promised me an exceptional year. It showed me that I was in the right place at the exact right moment in "Time". It took away the aches of the day. The fears of not yet having an income. It reminded me who I was and Why I had moved here in the first place.
It resonated deep within me to places and vibrations that I cannot express in words. But, to all of you that will really feel this post, Thank you for listening. Thank you for overstanding. Do not be afraid to express your Souls own vibrant path. WE are here. Together. The time is now.
Dance like no one is watching. And watch for dancing candles everywhere.
Chocolate Covered Dreams
My sister-friend Jenny Fair, as I lovingly call her, recently have me a beautiful journal with a winged fairy angel creature on the front. In hues of Cobalt Blue and Turquoise. I immediately fell in love with as she knew I inevitable would. It is covered in Feathers and Birds of Prey become one with her hair. My Spirit Totem is a Falcon. I knew it had a high purpose.
It became my new Dream Journal. I have never kept one before. I have always had the most amazing and vivid dream life. In a couple of my long term relationships I allowed (against my Spirit) for my significant other to sleep with TV on. My dreams were significantly reduced (pun intended).
Now, I am free of these binds, and have risen to stand my own island. My sacred temple. My own vibratory entity. My dreams last night were stellar!
I will limit this to the shorter version and highlight instead the best portions.
I am exiting a theatre after having viewed a show. There is a line of street racing go kart, drag cars waiting at the rear. I am ushered by a pit crew to the lead car. I am so excited. I kick out my feet in front of me to open the doors that exit the theatre and enter the lobby. I see people coming through the glass windows. I hesitate. Grumble but wish to hurt no one. Revving to go, they hold the doors open for me in respect. I charge into the lobby, nodding in gratitude as I go. As I go to exit the lobby to the street, similar pattern. This time a young man and his father hold the doors open and the Son says to the Father. She is about to have the ride of her life. I said, Yes, Sun, I am! I take off at lightning speed. Down pyramid style tiered steps, landing, steps. All the way down to the street barely making contact with the ground below. I do a sharp right as I hit street level and take off from my crew: on a mission all my own.
Next scene, there are tiny Lego cars chasing me. Of course, Lego drivers. They race after me and one in particular is gaining on me. I turn to look at him, and say, "That's all you've got!?" I take off. Momentary sense of demonic like energy coming from the driver as he races to catch me. I spur my car further accelerating and losing them all!
It was such an overwhelming rush and real sensation of adrenaline. Accomplishment. Leadership. Freedom. Individuality. Honor. Overcoming fears.
Toward the end of the dream, I was ushered into a banquet hall and undressed and bathed by chamber maids. I was then redressed but in a coating of chocolate like an easter bunny. HILARIOSITY!
~For all wondering I quit smoking over a month ago...so, canNOT blame it on that!~
I was ushered as a Queen to a grand ball room where a feast and wine were waiting and tons of candles and mirrors. A love removed the chocolate that covered my face as though it were a mask and kissed me in greeting. We were seated and my love ate the chocolate that had shielded my face.
I felt again. Honor. Accomplishment. Overcoming fears. With this time an addition of mystery and a recognition that once I have completed the foundation of me and the temple above it, I will be granted love mysterious.
I awoke reverberating to joy. Pride. And a great sense of peace.
This film has been edited. No one was fed hallucinogens during the filming of this dream!
It became my new Dream Journal. I have never kept one before. I have always had the most amazing and vivid dream life. In a couple of my long term relationships I allowed (against my Spirit) for my significant other to sleep with TV on. My dreams were significantly reduced (pun intended).
Now, I am free of these binds, and have risen to stand my own island. My sacred temple. My own vibratory entity. My dreams last night were stellar!
I will limit this to the shorter version and highlight instead the best portions.
I am exiting a theatre after having viewed a show. There is a line of street racing go kart, drag cars waiting at the rear. I am ushered by a pit crew to the lead car. I am so excited. I kick out my feet in front of me to open the doors that exit the theatre and enter the lobby. I see people coming through the glass windows. I hesitate. Grumble but wish to hurt no one. Revving to go, they hold the doors open for me in respect. I charge into the lobby, nodding in gratitude as I go. As I go to exit the lobby to the street, similar pattern. This time a young man and his father hold the doors open and the Son says to the Father. She is about to have the ride of her life. I said, Yes, Sun, I am! I take off at lightning speed. Down pyramid style tiered steps, landing, steps. All the way down to the street barely making contact with the ground below. I do a sharp right as I hit street level and take off from my crew: on a mission all my own.
Next scene, there are tiny Lego cars chasing me. Of course, Lego drivers. They race after me and one in particular is gaining on me. I turn to look at him, and say, "That's all you've got!?" I take off. Momentary sense of demonic like energy coming from the driver as he races to catch me. I spur my car further accelerating and losing them all!
It was such an overwhelming rush and real sensation of adrenaline. Accomplishment. Leadership. Freedom. Individuality. Honor. Overcoming fears.
Toward the end of the dream, I was ushered into a banquet hall and undressed and bathed by chamber maids. I was then redressed but in a coating of chocolate like an easter bunny. HILARIOSITY!
~For all wondering I quit smoking over a month ago...so, canNOT blame it on that!~
I was ushered as a Queen to a grand ball room where a feast and wine were waiting and tons of candles and mirrors. A love removed the chocolate that covered my face as though it were a mask and kissed me in greeting. We were seated and my love ate the chocolate that had shielded my face.
I felt again. Honor. Accomplishment. Overcoming fears. With this time an addition of mystery and a recognition that once I have completed the foundation of me and the temple above it, I will be granted love mysterious.
I awoke reverberating to joy. Pride. And a great sense of peace.
This film has been edited. No one was fed hallucinogens during the filming of this dream!
Monday, January 2, 2012
In the Bliss!
So, last night I was tossing & turning in my hot new apartment. I was having trouble sleeping so I took some NyQuil (thanks to Miss Hopkins).
Well, I generally try NOT to take medications. NyQuil is known for leaving your groggy and out of it the whole next day. So, eleven rolled around and I was still trying very hard to get out of my new -to me- bed (thanks to my sister Cassi's networking ability).
Just after eleven, my father calls. I was SO grateful for the call. This was "I am getting a job" day! He said he had some things for my new place he thought I could use and would it be all right if he came by now...I was incredibly grateful for the call, and jumped out of bed, into the shower and into some fresh clothes.
I have earnestly been attempting to stay positive, but I have honestly been struggling. The original plan included me coming down here to a job waiting for me. The back-up plan included me trying my hand as a door to door saleswoman. Neither plan came true for me! I have been operating on a forever dwindling fund. My family has been awesome and has helped as much as possible, but these are hard times for all of us.
So, I took a leap of faith, sans job I moved into the apartment I had secured for myself. This is a weird spot in the year to be seeking gainful employment.
After my father stopped by and gave me a dining room table with two chairs, some pots, and some groceries, I decided, makeup, dressy clothes and hit the road. I am GOING TO GET A JOB TODAY!
Due to the way New Year Day fell this year, most establishments were closed today. So, I decided it was apply at every restaurant I can stop at this afternoon. After four or five places I was getting discouraged. Most were telling me that no one was hiring right now. But, my Spirit was having none of it! I stopped at an Outback surprised to find it closed, I surveyed the parking lot surrounding it to see what else might be open.
Fletcher Organ Center. Piano is to Organ as well, I had to go. Of course! So, I went in, told them what I was capable of and asked it they possibly needed any help.
One of the lovely ladies that worked there said there was an opening at the Largo Community Center which she had been asked, but would be unable to fill. The position is to teach young children the basics of music. Rhythm. Counting. Tones. Considering my pursued degree is Music Therapy, I would be so happy to...Tomorrow I will speak with the director because the Largo Community Center was of course closed today.
Furthermore, I really had to use the bathroom and stopped to put a twenty in my tank at a Shell along Indian Rocks Beach. They had no restroom I could use. I walked next door to an Oyster Bar. Mostly because they had the Blues Brothers in gorgeous statue out front. I LOVED my job at House of Blues & took it as a sign.
They were not hiring. They let me use their restroom. One of the staff recommended I go to Crabby Bill's, the owners of which were opening a new restaurant. I went. Thankful.
Asked for the owner. Not what you would usually do, but something told me to!
Talked to him. He said he had just filled his staff and I had missed him by about two days. GRRRRRRR! So, I said to him. We both know that this industry is one of high turnover. Why don't you give me an application, and when the first person quits in a few days after opening, you give me a call and I will jump right in there.
By the time I had filled out the app, his Spirit had led him to hire me. ~~gratitudes~~
So, I now have much falling into place for me. And for those of you who knew how badly I was freaking out...insert lecture here ~~ ~~~ I deserve it! But, hey, I never claimed to be anything other than a work in progress.
I now have a job in the evenings as a waitress at a fine dining seafood joint right on the water. OHHH! I can fill my obligation to watch my niece Rilee for my sister Cassi M,W,F during the day while she is working. I go to school Tuesday and Thursday, and hopefully teach young minds about music once a week until that field blows up for me and I can stop waiting tables (again)....
Was able to get online today too and saw on my college website that I was approved for some financial help or whatnot! Looks like I am going to school. YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!
More updates tomorrow. Looking forward to this strange and beautiful phase of my life as it unfolds. Thank you all for your continued support.
I applied for food stamps and cash assistance this evening so hopefully I will have some benefits to carry me until the first money manages to find my pocket.
~Divine Light~Infinite Bliss~This is OUR year~
Well, I generally try NOT to take medications. NyQuil is known for leaving your groggy and out of it the whole next day. So, eleven rolled around and I was still trying very hard to get out of my new -to me- bed (thanks to my sister Cassi's networking ability).
Just after eleven, my father calls. I was SO grateful for the call. This was "I am getting a job" day! He said he had some things for my new place he thought I could use and would it be all right if he came by now...I was incredibly grateful for the call, and jumped out of bed, into the shower and into some fresh clothes.
I have earnestly been attempting to stay positive, but I have honestly been struggling. The original plan included me coming down here to a job waiting for me. The back-up plan included me trying my hand as a door to door saleswoman. Neither plan came true for me! I have been operating on a forever dwindling fund. My family has been awesome and has helped as much as possible, but these are hard times for all of us.
So, I took a leap of faith, sans job I moved into the apartment I had secured for myself. This is a weird spot in the year to be seeking gainful employment.
After my father stopped by and gave me a dining room table with two chairs, some pots, and some groceries, I decided, makeup, dressy clothes and hit the road. I am GOING TO GET A JOB TODAY!
Due to the way New Year Day fell this year, most establishments were closed today. So, I decided it was apply at every restaurant I can stop at this afternoon. After four or five places I was getting discouraged. Most were telling me that no one was hiring right now. But, my Spirit was having none of it! I stopped at an Outback surprised to find it closed, I surveyed the parking lot surrounding it to see what else might be open.
Fletcher Organ Center. Piano is to Organ as well, I had to go. Of course! So, I went in, told them what I was capable of and asked it they possibly needed any help.
One of the lovely ladies that worked there said there was an opening at the Largo Community Center which she had been asked, but would be unable to fill. The position is to teach young children the basics of music. Rhythm. Counting. Tones. Considering my pursued degree is Music Therapy, I would be so happy to...Tomorrow I will speak with the director because the Largo Community Center was of course closed today.
Furthermore, I really had to use the bathroom and stopped to put a twenty in my tank at a Shell along Indian Rocks Beach. They had no restroom I could use. I walked next door to an Oyster Bar. Mostly because they had the Blues Brothers in gorgeous statue out front. I LOVED my job at House of Blues & took it as a sign.
They were not hiring. They let me use their restroom. One of the staff recommended I go to Crabby Bill's, the owners of which were opening a new restaurant. I went. Thankful.
Asked for the owner. Not what you would usually do, but something told me to!
Talked to him. He said he had just filled his staff and I had missed him by about two days. GRRRRRRR! So, I said to him. We both know that this industry is one of high turnover. Why don't you give me an application, and when the first person quits in a few days after opening, you give me a call and I will jump right in there.
By the time I had filled out the app, his Spirit had led him to hire me. ~~gratitudes~~
So, I now have much falling into place for me. And for those of you who knew how badly I was freaking out...insert lecture here ~~ ~~~ I deserve it! But, hey, I never claimed to be anything other than a work in progress.
I now have a job in the evenings as a waitress at a fine dining seafood joint right on the water. OHHH! I can fill my obligation to watch my niece Rilee for my sister Cassi M,W,F during the day while she is working. I go to school Tuesday and Thursday, and hopefully teach young minds about music once a week until that field blows up for me and I can stop waiting tables (again)....
Was able to get online today too and saw on my college website that I was approved for some financial help or whatnot! Looks like I am going to school. YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!
More updates tomorrow. Looking forward to this strange and beautiful phase of my life as it unfolds. Thank you all for your continued support.
I applied for food stamps and cash assistance this evening so hopefully I will have some benefits to carry me until the first money manages to find my pocket.
~Divine Light~Infinite Bliss~This is OUR year~
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