Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Authentic

It is not always easy to be your authentic self in today's Western society. The general population judge one another based on Appearance, Income, Fashion, Intelligence, Ethnicity, Gender, Sex Appeal, Sexual Preference, Religion, etc. Wouldn't it be nice to be viewed instead by our integrity, honesty, loyalty, work ethic, compassion, passion, focus, and evolution? During young adulthood, I feel it was easy to get lost in viewing myself through the lens of others opinions of me instead of my own intrinsic worth. It is important to take in account our negative traits, focus intently on them long enough to come up with a plan of action to evolve in the necessary areas. However, it is extremely necessary to pay proper attention on what is right with us! Becoming the best of one self is a moment by moment decision to strive in the direction of perfection. We all have areas that need growth. I often find myself condescending in an area that I excel at. WRONG IDEA! There are lines I cross that others would never even entertain. My mother once reminded me of the old saying to measure oneself against the yardstick the Christ. If we measure ourselves by others, it is Ego rather than Spirit that is involved. My main objective in life is to become the best of me. I will take others opinions into account, measure myself by what they see and be honest if there is an area that needs attention. Overall, I sleep with my own Soul at night. I commune with Spirit daily. I walk in the light as often as possible. I work hard to right my wrongs. Every day, I grow a little more. I wish the same for us all.

Thank you for your constant love and support.

~lady RAin

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Chapter & Verse

I spoke to the Student Accounts Department at Pacifica today and found out the total I would be responsible for per month to cover the tuition gap between Financial Aid and the grand total. It is not a low figure. Between rent, cost of living and the monthly flight I would have to take to campus, I certainly cannot make that figure work with my current money making situation. I do have applications and resumes in various places throughout the city and have a possible dream come true situation that I will share when (if) it comes to fruition. There is also the possibility of the Graduate Plus Loan if I can find a benevolent soul to cosign for me. I am going to call the Federal Loan department and see if there is anything else possible as well. I have a couple months before I would need to have this all ironed out, and in my life especially, anything is possible. For now, I am walking forward, listening closer, and waiting for the revelation of the next chapter & verse.

As always, thank you all for your constant love and support.
~RAin

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

An Update...

Hey everyone. Thanks for keeping up with me. I have a very heavy heart, and as you all know, I believe in everything happening with purpose. I don't believe in accidents. I follow my Spirit, and I believe in the power of my Destiny. I am an optimist, a realist, a hard-working, genuine soul. However, there are days that I just feel overwhelmed. This transition has been so hard on me since my return to New York. I sold and gave away most everything I owned with the intentions of serving in the Peace Corps for 27 months. This would have in turn served as a fellowship toward my Doctoral Degree at Pacifica Graduate Institute. I did not get accepted into the program for the Peace Corps and determined it as a sign I was not meant to go. I moved forward with Plan B which was to apply for my doctorate right away. I got accepted! Unfortunately, my Financial Aid is not enough to cover it, and I applied today for the Grad Plus Loan and was denied. I am fighting tears. I am grateful to have my job, but even with six shifts last week, I wasn't even able to make my generously low rent (love Vickie and Erik with all my heart) on time. I could stomp my feet and say, "Woe is me" and throw a temper tantrum...not going to lie, part of me really wants to. However, I really DO believe in the path of my destiny and I am remaining as constant, confident and strong as I know how. I am looking forward to the next step whatever it might be. Please send me love & light and I will keep you posted on how things go...thank you all for your constant love & support.

~RAin

Monday, June 6, 2016

El Camino (the way)

As a woman who has been raped three times (the first two times by men who proclaimed to love me, and the most recent by someone I barely knew), it surprises me how much love and trust I still have in the human race. It is a gift and a curse to be able to see the light in a human soul. I look into the eyes of the person facing me and I reflect the Divine within. I see the best of them. That does not mean I do not see the worst. I just prefer to believe in each souls potential. Regardless of which tradition of thought you tend to align with, I think most of us would agree that we all have a "good" side and a "bad" side. We all would probably also agree that we have choices to make with each moment as we are presented which direction we will head in.

I set out on a walk along the El Camino today. Toward the beginning of my walk, I came across a man who appeared to be in his late twenties walking a dog. I said "Hello" to him then "Pretty dog." I received no response and barely a glance. I could tell I had been heard however. A little farther along my journey, I came across three people on a bike ride. An older woman, a man about my age, and a younger woman, probably an older teen. None of them looked me in the eye or greeted me in any fashion. I was daunted but moved on. I kept thinking how in this digital age with so many new ways to communicate, we make less connections than ever before.

I was reflecting deep in my thoughts about recent events in my life. Two main tributaries were as follows: first, the two pages of Jeremiah, KJV, I found while walking the same trek last week. I have since taken on the reading of the book of Jeremiah, slowly, a couple chapters per day and am about half way through. The first page I found was pages 295-296 in the Bible that It was separated from which covers chapter 5:6 until chapter 9:6. I found the first page while headed away from the place where I currently rest my head and the second page I found dead center in the sidewalk on the return half of the walk. The second page was pages 301-302, and covered Jeremiah chapter 19:4 to chapter 23:37. I am including all the numbers with purpose. I do not believe that everything in life is a sign, but I firmly believe that we are given puzzle pieces at a time, signs and symbology to build a big picture, the path of our destiny. I believe that the book of Jeremiah holds great significance at this juncture especially as I have never found pages of the Bible separate from the unit in my entire life! The second main tributary of thought was regarding the three yellow jackets that appeared in my room in the space of less than two days! My Brother Wolf helped me discern from our Native American perspective the significance of those 3 hornets. In Native American folklore, a hornet or wasp represents female warrior status. The stripes represent dichotomy, possibly of a person surrounding you, possibly of the warrior herself. Being able to see the duality in a soul or in the elements surrounding us is of great importance to a warrior. The sting (I was not stung) has other sacred meanings, and can be used as strong medicine especially for joints. I am cutting out sacred details to keep the purpose of the story moving. These are the two main things I was thinking of as I was walking.

At some point along the path, I hear a male voice, seemingly calling out to me. I look around and see no one, but with all my spidey senses, I know the energy is directed at me. I walk on. It comes again, I look all around, this time I have goosebumps. As I was headed out to the trail, the birds all around me were flittering and fussing, calling out like the warning of a storm on its way. I was on high alert. I take nothing for granted in this world. At this point, there is an eerie silence, and on full alert, I spin around to see a man come out of the trees behind me with his arms spread wide. He is yelling after me, asking me to come back. I still don't even understand where he came from. I began to chant and pray and walk at a very rapid rate. Luckily he was lazy and I am incredibly fast, and he had not desire enough to pursue me. My mother's voice filled my head, "You know God is not responsible to protect you if you jump out in front of a semi." I controlled my breathing, and walked a little slower.

Two things occurred to me. First, no wonder so many people no longer make eye contact, or speak when spoken to. Second, not only do I need to become the warrior within, but one of my major purposes with Cadence House will be to educate women on how to communicate effectively, and to protect ourselves from danger. So many women place themselves in situations where they are not safe. So many of us do not really know how to say no. So many of us flirt and flaunt because the lust and chemical reciprocation feels good, but do it in places where our safety is not guaranteed. In no situation is rape justified. If a woman is making out with a man or more, and decides that is as far as she would like to go, no must mean no! However as women, we often are sipping toxins in places where we are unsafe and unaware of our surroundings. We want to be beautiful. We want to be loved. We must protect ourselves. We must use our intuition, as well as find physical means of remaining safe. I would encourage every woman to take safety defense classes, and carry some means of protecting yourself. Control your surroundings and don't be trusting of people that do not deserve your trust. I am a work in progress as we all are, and I have many miles along this journey of learning to go.

thank you for sharing this portion with me.

love & light
~RAin