Tempered

It is hard for me to imagine myself anywhere other than right here. Right now. In this moment. I am grateful. See, life is not always easy for any of us. Life is however filled with so much astounding joy, bliss filled moments, and surprising adventures. I have a wellspring of creative thought, and I am honored by the energy of the universe as I am given these lessons even though sometimes they are not pleasant in the learning of.

Whether we say vice, or demon, fault or character flaw, we all have something about us that we do not like. Hect, I've got a few things I actively seek to evolve out of. Every day I aspire to be a little bit better version of myself. But, we all bear witness to the struggle. The struggle of tempering our physical with fire so that we may burn brighter, stand taller, walk stronger. Some of us are more stubborn than others. I am to be counted among them.

Every day I remind myself through meditation, prayer, fasting, action, creation, knowledge, healing, and listening that I am an imperfect human being housing Divine Light. I must let my light shine, and the only way to do that is to be honest. Look into my own eyes. See the things that are lurking in the shadows, and focus the Winds of Isis upon them until they dissapate and flee. I am happy to be me, and know that I will only continue to get better.

In December, I packed my truck, moved back to the place where I was raised away from the City I consider home. I have been living by myself since New Year's Eve. I chose to spend the evening alone to ring in the new year with only myself as company. I want to be the best version of myself that is possible.

I am currently walking through a struggle brought on by my own error that is changing the way I think about almost everything. I am more mature perhaps, and more devoted to my victory in this battle against my Sethian nature.

When the resolution has been reached I will share the full story. For now, I will continue to "lean on HIS everlasting arms" knowing full well that I am on my destined path, and that I will only continue to resonate higher, burn brighter and speak pure Ma'at with all of the breath this being has to offer.


I am committed to my own well being. I am committed to spiritual evolution. I will do all I can to make my mark, to lead us to freedom, to shine my light so anyone who is not already shining theirs can stand up and be counted. This is an imperative hour. We are all necessary pieces to this great puzzle we call Life. I am ready. I will do more than survive. I will give my best at all times. I will be all that I am capable of.

And this, I promise to myself. I am ready for all of this, and so much more.

~~*~~
Hetepu em Mer.
Lady RA~in

Vibrate

I vibrate soul-ly for you/wish you could see through these walls like I can/then you'd overstand/the righteous hand within the Divine's plan/I am wondering what it tastes like to be you/not even know the meaning of your own truth/i visualize the progression of yesterday's youth/you know you moved me/and sometimes still do/I can see through your face/behind your eyes into that softer place/the space we held and then retraced/your charm/your grace/you mesmorize/yet you spit lines you've only memorized/you fantasized about my soul then realized/you had no match for my fire/my flame quanitifes/the potency of your lies/still i do not criticize/cuz i've got lies of my own/i hone in on every sense you ever hid/bid the highest on the girl yet give/no living reason why she should even begin/its sink or swim/i drank you in/now i believe we merely perceive things differently/we walk toward our freedom awkwardly/still i don't see/why i deserve your mockery/still shocking me/until i stop to see/your eyes locking with mine/this pantomime/shining new lines on different faces/i retrace the steps i made/this masquerade/i do not disdain/only wish for your kiss/one last refrain/ We the same/only searching for love/that higher plane/we are a mountain range/you the poet and i the sage/we waging wars/sipping on elixir while watching passing cars/we jupiter and mars/we saturn all the way/i've got more to say/you ante out because you've begun to sway/you ask if we can talk on a different day/but this is not the way I need it/I want love like this: love that desires not only bliss/but love that gets down with the darkest of it/love that remembers when to co-exist/and when its okay to be alone/i want honest love/love that vibrates through every thought/love that like metal is finely wrought/love like i need cannot be bought/it was never about the money for me/look in my eyes and truly believe/we are a seed for the planting/let's grow/love is the one thing I wanna surely know/spread my wings/now watch me go/i will do all i said i would and more/phoenix from the ash/i soar

Never Alone.

My heart is in my stomach, and my stomach is in knots. I miss the ROC already. From tarmac to tarmac I was treated like a Queen, honored, loved, spoiled. It is nice to be among so many that know you so well. People who have been seasoned in your life, who have walked through the waters with you. Who understand the inner workings, the elements that make you tick. Here I am again among those I am just getting to know. Using my giant spiritual sifter to make sure I am only allowing those to walk beside me who are ready to give all of themselves in this great moment of spiritual evolution. I am ready for all of this. I am learning to create my bliss. I am rising to the occasion of my destiny. Setting my soul free.

I am earnestly endeavoring to be the best of me. I am finally taking care of myself like no one but my mother ever has. I am filling in the cracks in my karma. Releasing myself from spiritual obligations. I am repairing the breach and honoring my path. I have taken a vow of abstinence that I will honor at least until my birthday at which time I will review the need and perhaps take it further. I have recently become friends with an amazing man. He has not had sex in five years! He has not even kissed anyone. It was by choice as well, and this amazes me. The longest I have ever gone was 67 days. I love sex, but it has to fulfill a spiritual, emotional, mental & physical connection. I have had many long term, amazing loves. I want love like this. I am worth the wait. I do not desire casual embraces, or connections that will serve no long term purpose. Sure, I still have lonely nights when I come home to my place and wish there was somone waiting on the front porch for me, curious about my day. Someone longing to hold me in their arms and carress me gently to sleep. Someone I could look deep into their eyes and kiss and know it all was going to be all right. And someday, my King, my Queen(S) will come. But for right now, I am falling in love with me. I make love to myself. I bathe myself in spiritual fire every night before I sleep. I am shedding layers, rising higher. Realizing how far I've come is nothing in comparison of how far I must travel still.

My music, my art, my poetry, and above all my beautiful rainbow family. I love all that I am. All that I am yet to become. I am ready for all of this.

Gratitudes to all of you who have helped me reach this place.

Much love,
Lady RAin.

Raising Cain

I am the Thunder before the RAin
I am the Lightning before the Thunder.
The River running through it
The tunnel running under.
A prism of colors
Taste the Rainbow
We come up with excuses why we're inefficient
Deficiency sees opportunity
May this individual moment last forever
I am my Mother's blood ridden tears
Fears do not escape me
But they also do not limit me
I am preparing for the war
But the Victory is mine
Effervescent embryos
Destined for dining on ecstacy
We war till free of the apathy
Seizmic seige 'til tomorrow the Phoenix rises to claim his prize
Size me up
Fill my cup
I am yours
I laugh in the face of gravity
Mother Earth is mad at me
My Roots defy my destiny
I am a soldier in this war
Remember the shore of your distant dream
Screaming in unison to the breaking of your heart
Scars digest and unvest their shapes as if
Waiting on pages not yet written
We are bitten with venomous passages
Meant as they laugh at us to undress us
And bring us to our knees
But outside all of this Cosmos hands us bliss
Outside all of this,
We are free

Imperfect

I wasn't born a humble person. I never have had any patience to speak of. I can be condescending & demeaning without realizing it till it is stinging on the way out of my mouth. I have fought demons of lust since I was eleven.

I am very forgiving. I see the light in people over their darkness. I give all of myself that I can to make others more comfortable. I am good at listening, understanding and finding peace. I am strong and hard working. I am honest, and honorable.

I am a work in progress.

I fast for many days at a time, and I humble myself in the eyes of the Divine and ask for guidance. Mercy. Ascension.

I can be very hard on myself, while I find it easy to allow others to stand in their imperfection, perfectly beautiful to me all the while.

I place a lot of effort into being healthy, finding and maintaining balance, into getting a little better every day.

I am taking a vow of abstinence so that I might focus that wellspring of energy into my personal evolution. Just as I fast from foods, I feel I need to prove to myself that I am capable of this. I have come a long way on my quest to heal myself from my fault lines. I have many more miles to go.

I am sharing with you all these things for the honesty of it. For the challenge of keeping my word which is so important to me. To level with people who know me so well, and love me a lot. I am ready for all of this.

I want love like this.

Someone I love very much was the last person who kissed my lips. I am in a delicate spot in my life. A moment of make or break. A challenge has arisen. I believe in me. I am capable.

I am utterly grateful for all the amazing people I have in my life. The people that like me, are marching along this road: personal spiritual evolution. In the days ahead, I know there will be many challenges. I am determined to rise above this weakness in my life.

Furthermore, I am looking forward to permanent love. Forever love. Children. Family. First, I must honor my committment to me.

Thank you all. Walk with me. One mile. Each moment. Life changes.

Together, we can.

It is time

I change my cadence
As my temperature falls
I rise to the occasion
And suspend the call
The Indigo Children we've been waiting for
Remember the Space inside the core
We surface and float as we ride the tides
We embrace the emotion at the base of our spines
Unleash the secret
Kundalini climb
Quoting prophecies from a similar time
From Hopi Elders to the Mayan signs
Khemetic Science
Or the Book of the Divine
We have fears that are founded
May we inquire why
We attain the pieces of a puzzle
Unseen
Unspoken
Unforged
Unbroken
We are the most outspoken
We are the ones we have been seeking to find

Rain (7*2*9)

Seamless
The myst rises unobtrusive
Stimulating me as it tingles the surface of my skin
The silence of the river
Just before it crosses
The precipice
Now the surge of a waterfall
Loud
Magnificent
I rise from my knees
Engaged
Exuberant
Timeless:
The cyclical passage of water
It travels from gorges
It rises to meet the clouds
Falling from the sky,
Cleansing our atmosphere
It lubricates the air we breathe
Would that I could jump & dissipate
Becoming one with the water
We often take for granted
Planting my feet firm in the Earth
I leave my burdens to the water as it falls
And walk away stronger than I was before

Flow

(Found from some time in '09)

Time for time
I'll barter this rhyme
For another dime bag of your wicked mind
Drop it like its heavy
Solidified and steady
Like your words are a vehicle
Headed straight for my soul
Flow like this can never be mastered
Only explored over and over again
Defense is a mechanism
Words echo & protect
Respect is earned not given
Shriven egos give rise to soul
Attempt to control often leads to chaos
Relax & let it flow