The Interconnectedness of all living things.

Whether you think of life as the six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon or the mysterious spiritual nature that guides us through our existence, we all know that when one pays attention it is amazing the way our path tends to puzzle piece itself together in front of us. I love the serendipitous way that things interlock and unfold. I love how we are given the meal of life one morsel at a time. My earnest endeavor is to learn to savor each and every bite. I am amazed by the miracle that my life is and am overjoyed at how much beauty I am allowed to behold on a daily basis.

I am three weeks away from the end of my semester. It has been a largely eventful week, some things of which I am able to speak and others which I must only allude to. My head has been busy with many thoughts. Many people and circumstances have forged their way into my life and I am enticed by the mystery of this enchanted life I lead.

There once was a man from Barbados. True he had me intoxicated for a few days. We kissed A LOT! His accent alone had me unfolding my wings and singing songs only the ethereal realm knows. I chose however to listen to my mother's words and take them seriously, "He is a distraction." I was upset the day she said them to me. Right now, as I am writing this piece, he is walking passed me in the library without even knowing I am here. No concern. Only irony.

He spoke of this area and its overcrowded concrete spaces. He spoke of my poetry and the stanzas of my phrasing. He spoke of my beauty and the scent of my physical being. He spoke of my facial expressions and how he felt I needed to take my appearance more seriously. He spoke of my jewelry and how I presented myself. He almost had me when he uttered passionately yet distantly, "I feel like an ant in a concrete jungle. I want to return to my island." In the end all he wanted from me was to relieve his male urges, and I graciously declined. He in typical fashion decided not to respond and withdrew from my life completely.

The man I have been seeing casually and forging a friendship with the passed three years has not invited me over to spend the night in over two months. I realize this time we are really done. I have written much about him and his influence in my life though many of you will never know who he was and how our story unfolded. I wrote a song about him, "There's a man that I love in this life. So beautiful but so bottled up inside. An intricate puzzle box mystery. Almost three years and still I long to see. I love me some you. No matter where this might go. I love me some you. No matter who doesn't know. There are things I must do to survive. And some nights that included being by his side. And the silence so loud in between communicates in corridors of my dreams. I love me some you. I love me sum you. No matter where this might go. No matter who doesn't know. I love me SUM you".

I haven't heard from Brandon in several months. Paulie just moved down to this area. So many elements fighting for space in this brilliant and sensitive Piscean heart. I love love.

The truth is I am working on a degree. The truth is once I have finished this degree I will be working on another. The truth is that I give all of myself most of the time. The truth is I am trying with all my heart to heed the words of my mother. No distractions!

I have been in one long term loving relationship after another. I have fared well in the corridors of love. After breaking up with Brandon though I really have changed my approach, what I allowed, my interactions all together.

I am thirty six soon to be thirty seven and all of my heart desires to see Cadence born. With Agape behind bars it is hard to know where to go or how to approach my ideals of love and family. Sex and dating is not what it once was and after all that I have been through on those subjects, I have tried to make safer practices, leave more time between encounters, find new balance on who I trust and allow to have a taste.

I am pondering all these things while also remaining focused and driven along my spiritual path. I know that my destiny requires me to walk faster, work harder, think more carefully and be slightly segregated from the fold than most. I am engaged by this commitment. I am ready for this life. I will continue to give all of me and continue moving forward.

The fact remains that like any other being I have moments where I am incredibly alone. There are times when I just want a man to hold me. Times where I just want a kiss; someone to hold my hand, take a walk with me or share a meal. I love good conversation. I love mystery. I love the way life unfolds. I have complete faith of my direction. I have complete faith in my ability. I have complete faith in the amazing people who offer me love and support even in my loneliest hour.

Thank you to all of you! I could not be the woman I am without you.

In this (almost three years) time of living alone, I have become stronger, found solidarity, come to know myself in a very solid way. I have even become funnier. I am more relaxed in my own persona. I enjoy my life immensely. This New Year will be three years and I will continue to celebrate this gift of 'me'. I have become my soul mate. I have allowed the light of the Divine to flow through me. Waiting tables continues to teach me to iron out the flaws in my personality and also strengthen the best of me. I am becoming all that I am meant to be and am happy to have so many amazing souls walking beside me. I have more than one soul-mate in this life and no matter what is required of me to complete my objective this lifetime, I promise I will run the race strong. I will finish well. I will offer up all that I am and all that I am yet to become to helping those that are aware leave this world a better and more brilliant place.

I believe in the exponential potential of each and every one of us, beginning with me~! Let's go!