As a young woman, my parents instilled in me that honesty certainly was the best policy. Whether we are discussing friendship, marriage, family or co-workers, being honest was high on the list of any set of priorities. In this day of secrets, side-chicks and friends with benefits, I am deeply disturbed about the layers of lies that find their way into almost every connection.
Integrity, a strong moral compass and a strong work ethic were also factors people were measured against in my generation. I am far from perfect, yet I am certainly proud of the woman I am, and have much faith for the woman I am yet to become.
American culture generates strong pulses of individualism which in turn generates a need to "throw people under the bus" and "stab someone in the back" to get ahead. Often lying about our abilities is the first impulse so we can get that job we so desperately want/need. In my household, there was no shame in saying, "I don't know". What was expected however was doing the research required to find out! This is how I became so devout about attaining knowledge.
I have been told more than several times that I share too much, that I am too emotional and that I shouldn't broadcast my business. A few years ago, after hearing these things several times by those closest to me, I started practicing layering the exposure I offered to my life. It resulted in a big, fat, hairy mess! My inner circle knows me to be raw, real, and extremely honest. Beyond the frustration of deciding who should know what, and trying to remember what parts of me I exposed to which people, came another level of frustration.
No matter how honest you are, or how much you share, people are going to have their perception of you. They are going to use the filter of their life experience to "judge" you and "size you up". No One on this Earth knows me like I know me! At thirty eight I am finally ready to "stand on my square", "claim my Divinity" and remember how to be the calm in the center of the storm. I sleep with my own soul each night, and I know that I have done all that is required of me. I am a work in progress just like any other being on this planet, and I strive daily to become the best of me.
When you open yourself up to other people's opinions and advice, you have to promise yourself to listen to your Spirit overall. My soul surely knows the way. I was told recently by someone I am very close to that I am too emotional (never heard THAT before). I was told by another fellow traveler that I am not focused and I need to put more energy into myself. I was told by someone who spent a few moments looking into my life that I needed to stop focusing on only the questions in life, and I should share the answers as well. I could go on for days with advice, opinion, and criticism that has been funneled my way. I am not saying that I am not grateful for those who care for me. I am not saying that there have not been times that someone's advice was exactly what I needed to hear. I am just expressing that the old saying, "take it with a grain of salt" is highly important.
Especially as a figure in the public eye, I open myself to so many souls. I have love for them all. I see the light in them all. However, not everyone has a clear view of me. Not everyone is coming from the foundation of honest intentions. Not everyone even know themselves like they proclaim to know me! I am a very sensitive heart. I have a gift of seeing the best in people. I try to build people up and lift them up to the light. That by no means negates the fact that I also see the darkness in people. I have my own demons to face.
It is because of the things I have done wrong that I do my best NOT to judge my fellow travelers. I forgive easily because I wish to be treated with the same respect. Just because I forgive you, does not mean you can continue to perform the same errant behaviors and still be good with me. I do have lines that may not be crossed. Apologies may soothe a situation. They may even be genuine, however, if someone continues to do the same thing over and over and over, they will have to be removed from my circles. If I am slapped every time I come in to kiss you, will I expect kisses?
Like Saturn, I have innermost and outermost rings with levels of intimacy in between. My inner circle has no doubt who I am or what they mean to me. They are my council. They are my fire. They are the ones I turn to when I need to be reminded who I am and what purpose I serve on this fiery planet. The truth may be uncomfortable. What you believe to be the truth may have been based on a false premise. Assumptions...well, you know what they say.
All I would love to see come from this post, is everyone who reads it taking a moment to reflect on their level of commitment to the truth. Research, listen, reflect, and grow. Speak honestly to the best of your ability. Let your intentions be to seek out the truth and may the integrity in your chest hold you to your moral compass. First and foremost, be honest with yourself. The truth shall set you free!
With all the layers of lies this society has come to accept, it is hard to trust anyone. People are skeptical about love, truth, trust, honor, and so many other things that once were standard in most people. We have grown in technology, but our technology has begun to separate us, and tear us from the moral fiber we once so proudly stood for.
I love the best in you. I see the worst in you. I love the best in me. I see the worst in me. Daily, I work to become closer to the mark. Daily, I work to reach my maximum potential. From the outside, you may not see the work I am doing. I hope something I said inspired you to be true, especially to you!
Much love,
Lady RAin.
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