New Chapter

Here I stand in my own shadow. My nemesis. My Ren as the Egyptians would say. I am shadow to my shadow. Reaper. Gatherer. Healer. Nurturer. Time to nurture me.

My father set me free this evening. His counsel was sound, and many have said to me a lot of the same words that tonight he spoke. "Love thy Neighbor as thyself." So, I have to first love myself. I have taken care of so many to my detriment. I have prided myself in my ability to pull energy from the cosmos and continue forward. But, what have I left in the shadowlands? The life that could have been.

So, I do not post this in a spirit of regret. I post this in a spirit of purge. Cleanse. Admiration for a man who has also stood strong through much suffering. But how much of this suffering do we choose? By our action? By our inaction? Where are we in this maze of healing and pain? Sunshine and rain? Dancing and running from our shadow?

I am at a point I will be forced to surrender my truck. The wise goddess, Asia Wilcox has goaded me in this very direction so many times. Part stubborn pride. Part dignity and work ethic. Part stubborn pride. Wait, did I already say stubborn pride!

I am bittersweet at the moment. But out of the rivers Tigris & Euphrates, the gods and goddesses were born. Out of Nun rose Atum. Heliopolis. My island of free. Island of me. Many good things to come this year. This decade. This life. I surrender my truck. I do NOT surrender my right to survive.

I am enjoying my classes immensely. I am hearing music. Breathing in life in a whole new way. From the reflection of myself in the steak knives we polish at work to the ripples of the water in the toilet I had to plunge...it is all one. Part of us. I see the sun in the leaves of the trees. Hear the symphonic harmony of the cosmos in the wings of the bees. I am free in this moment from all they wanted to pigeonhole me into becoming. I am not running or giving up.

It is my time to soar.

Hathor Atum-RAin Christi Ausar.
The goddess has spoken. Within me. Through me. Because of me. Without me.
Ruminations galore. Thank you all for your support.