So today certainly has been a strange and beautiful day. It began with coffee with my friend Megan on USF campus. She and I exchanged gifts. She gave me this gorgeous bead-work bracelet from an Indian Reservation in Panama. It is brilliant. I absolutely love it. We sat down by the water and talked about our lives and realized that a lot of what we are going through is very similar. I think it was helpful for us both. Then, I arrived to find my eleven o'clock class had been cancelled which I was less than thrilled about. I turned in my assignment to the T.A. and decided that it was time to go over and talk to my doctor about what has been going on with my heart. I have been having palpitations, shortness of breath, sharp pain, dizzy spells, and it has really been concerning me. So, in I go. EKG taken to find there is a slight arrhythmia and the doctor would like to do some more tests since both my father and my mother have heart conditions. I won't find out till Tuesday the results. $100 and a couple hours later, I was off to eat a salad. My doctor said I need to ween myself off of caffeine which horrified me! I tried that once only to find myself with the most pounding headaches of a lifetime. Of course, that kind of made me feel like it was probably a good thing to stop using caffeine. With this year being about focusing on my return to center, and the fact that I have taken this step very seriously by swearing off alcohol, sex and became vegetarian...I feel this really falls in line. So, after the salad, I was off to get Live Lyfe '96 tattooed on my wrists in honor of Lyfe Coleman. In dedication to not allowing his life to be in vain. His murder has served as a catalyst to me and I am set on this course I have chosen. After that was a Spanish Exam which I don't feel I did very well on. I will bring my grade up by semester's end. I could probably use the help of a tutor or some of my Spanish speaking friends (Jenny Fair). Then, I arrived home to my Gobi, Shadow dead on my floor which is astounding all by itself. He is a bottom feeder and never made it above the halfway point of the tank while I was watching. There he lay dead two feet from the tank. I miss him already. I spent time working on my thesis which is daunting and titillating in one fell swoop. A visit from a friend. Some homework accomplished. Another friend on his way, and yes, THE SECOND TEMPTATION. I adore him, and three years later, I still long to lay next to him. He called me and asked me to please come over. I tried to explain why I couldn't. I think some part of him truly gets it, but the rest of him really just wants me to come over. I miss him so much. I love laying next to him. I sleep like an angel in his bed. I must prove this to myself. Tommy King reminded me tonight that he has absolutely no faith that I will make it to Graduation! Well, Tommy King, I won't accept the five hundred dollars when you lose, but I will rub it in your face for the rest of our lives. I WILL make it till December (as the old folds say, "Lord willing").
Manifest with me, strength for my physical and my emotional heart. I am moving forward, one painful and electric step at a time.
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